Dear Dog Lover...

Dear Dog Lover,

I thought I was done with chicks and their pets. First Cat Woman, then a tranny then back to Cat Woman. What the hell is my problem?!

I met you at a bar, back in November, right before Thanksgiving. You sat there with your friends and I noticed you staring at me. You took my breath away. Tall, brunette, sexy. I thought this was a bad dream because how could someone as beautiful as you be checking out a guy like me? I ordered an Apple Martini for you and we started conversation.

We laughed and laughed for hours on end. It was a start to an amazing night, until we got back to your place...

Hoping I would score, I was gentleman enough to not make the first move once your door opened. Guess what? You made that move and more. By the time we were both naked, we were inches from your bedroom door when I heard something.

It was barks coming from what seemed like a pack of hungry wild dogs. You opened the door and there they stood...4 big fucking dogs staring at you then glaring over a second later to show their teeth at me. You were able to calm them down and let me know I had nothing to worry about. It was obvious you were an animal lover, specifically the canine family. I love dogs too but not in such a way that it made for a memorable yet mind blowing night of "WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?!"

You didn't want to put your dogs in another room as you made them sit there to watch us get it on. Drunk, I didn't really care, however, the moaning from your dog, Astro, had me worried...for good reason.

The moment was intense. It was hot. It was really wet. I stuck my penis in you without any hesitation as I railed you like the little dog lover you are. You were moaning with such excitement that at times, I had to contain myself from blowing my load too early. That's one thing I had to concentrate on throughout our sexcapade. NOT BLOWING MY LOAD. But then within minutes of getting back on track, something suddenly happened...

As I was pounding you like one of those big-dick black guys punishing a poor Asian schoolgirl in a porno, I felt something come from behind me. To my dismay, it was your dog, Astro, mounted on top of me, with his red rocket at the tip of my butthole about to go H.A.A.M.. Startled, violated and somewhat scared, I jumped off you and threw your dog off me since it felt like he was 4 dick pumps away from blowing his baby gravy on me like I was some sort of black poodle.

At this point, you were not amused. AT ME. I mean, are you fucking serious right now, bitch?! I'm fucking you and your dog comes up on the bed to start fucking me...I throw him off me and you're mad at ME?! Bitch please. But then you apologized, told Astro to go back to his bed, so we can go back to where we left off. The only problem was that my cock was like an elephant's trunk. Solution? You decided to makeout with me again since you knew when I kissed you, I got back to hard-on status. We kissed and things were starting to go back to where we left off. Then shit got super weird and this is where I didn't know whether to stay or go...

In a transe as I was kissing you and feeling on your big ass titties, you began to moan. For minutes I felt in my heart of hearts that I was the fucking man. Then to my surprise you yell, "OH MY GOOOOOODDDDDDD! I'M FUCKING CUMMING!!!" Wait, what?!

Am I that good of a kisser and titty handler that I made you cum? Then I looked down and what the fuck do I see? But your motherfucking dog, Astro, licking your pussy. Two things: 1) How in the actual fuck do you not know a dog's down there licking your cooter and 2) How the fuck did this happen?

I threw you off with the quickness and the only thing you said was, "WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

I reply with, "Me? What's wrong with me?! Bitch, you just let your dog eat you out and you came while I was kissing you and playing with your tits! Did I just double team you with your dog, Astro?! WHYYYYYYYYY GOOOOOD! WHYYYYYY FUCKING ME?!"

You: "Why you what?"

Me: "You don't get it. First Cat Woman, now you?"

You: "Cat who?"

Me: "The fat bitch whose mouth was more special than the Pope."

You: "Are you embarrassed of me?"

Me: "Are you fucking serious right now? Your fuck.ing.dog.just.ate.you.out.and.you.came."

You: "Yeah, so?"

Me: "Can I ask you something?"

You: "Of course."

Me: "This isn't the first time it's happened has it?"

You: "First time what?"

Me: "Your dog licking your snatch?"

You: "You make it look like it's bad or something. As if I'm dirty. or gross. Get over it."

Me: "FUCK MY LIFE. FUCK.MY.MOTHERFUCKING.LIFE."

You: "Did you want me to lie?"

Me: "Yeah, bitch. That would have been great."

You: "So what now?"

Me: "Well, I'm leaving and you can stay here and continue your gang bang with the dog pound."

And that was that. The moment was so awkward that I didn't even put my clothes back on in the room. I just left and changed outside without any fucks to give. Butt ass naked. Changing like I was hypnotized. Did your dog just put his dick in my butt then eat you out?

Yes. Yes he fucking did.

You know life is bad when the girl you're banging has her dog cock block you and makes her cum first.

I don't know who has more issues, Dog Lover...you or me?

Anonymous