Last week, I was talking to some of my female peeps and the subject of "men" was brought up. One of the gals who I'm pretty tight with kept bitching about how she just wants her "Romeo" to sweep her off her feet since every dude she's met or dated has either been 1) Crazy, 2) Weird or a 3) Douchebag. I couldn't help but laugh because honestly, "Romeo's" don't fucking exist any more. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that all men are fucking scum. What I am saying though is that some women are fucking delusional and need to chill the fuck out with this shit. Nice guys may finish last but the chicks who want the "Knight In Shining Armor" end up with someone who fucks them over. ALL THE TIME.
Real talk.
There are tons of dudes I know who are some stand up fucking cats. However, it's the 21st Century and to even see a man open a car door for a woman nowadays, is rare. I ain't gonna lie, I've done some stand up shit like that, just not all the time. I mean, the theory is, if your ass is already on your side, hop the fuck in. Why the fuck do I gotta go around my fucking car to open up your goddamn door? Let me guess, common courtesy right? It's "gentlemen like"? NEWSFLASH: Fuck all that and stop kidding yourselves. There's a time and a place for everything, we all just need to wake the fuck up and be real with what type of man is available out there and if you're willing to deal with that shit. Why? Because in today's world, a true Romeo is like trying to find a goddamn leprechaun. If you do find one, please note, that will last about 1-2 years until shit gets comfortable OR it will last long enough til he gets to fuck you and leave you.
Why is it that women want the world from a guy, but end up with the biggest asshole who treats them like the Asian chick in a bukkake porn? Y'all don't even answer that bc it's just a dumb ass excuse to replace the fact that some people weren't hugged enough as a child.
So what type of guys are there for those females who want a real true "Romeo" to sweep them off their feet, you ask? There are a ton, but to keep this simple, I'm going to talk about 5. All of which women don't want, but end up dating while the actual good guys who are a fifth of Mr. Romeo don't even get a second look.
Let's get things started, shall we?
#1 The Married Type:
The perfect fucking dude. Great guy. Good morals. Good attitude. Honest. Committed. Faithful. Overall, one-hell-of-a-guy that is, "too good to be true, perfect". Ladies love this type of man. Why? Well, because he fits the bill to what a MAJORITY of women want in life. Someone that will treat them right and be there til the end. This guy ranks #1 on 85% of females shopping list. There's just one fucking problem…he's married. There's also another problem…not to you. He likes you. You like him. Y'all have fucked a time or two…or ten. He all of the sudden has issues at home. He hates his wife. YOU hate his wife. He loves everything about you. YOU love everything about him.
You tell all your friends you're not into getting with married men, but uh oh…look at what you just did. You done fucked a married guy and have made every excuse in the book as to why it's not only OK but, why it's not a bad thing. Even when you know deep down in-fucking-side, you don't even know what's really going on with him, his wife, his 3 fucking kids and what they do on Sunday's as a family.
He's a "Romeo" alright…just one that's married already.
#2 The Player Type:
The perfect guy that women don't want but date. This guy cares about you, but he cares about other bitches he's fucking too. He doesn't want a serious relationship. He doesn't want a wife. He sure as hell doesn't want kids. He will undoubtedly cheat on your ass. Why? Because that's what he does. No commitment. No morals. No remorse. Straight up. This is the guy you want minus the cheating part. Sorry to say this but, this guy right here...is your only fucking option to the "no serious relationship, no marriage, no kids" resume, if that's how you wanna roll. Oh, and if you want adventurous, he's your guy. Just keep in mind that all the adventures your heart desires, won't come out of his pocket. At least for you. He'll make sure you pay for that shit on your own dime. Basically what I'm telling you is this is one of the types of dudes chicks end up with. This is what happens when chicks like to make up imaginary fucking men that don't fucking exist. Wait, what?!
#3 The "Ronni Jersey Shore" Type:
If you like to get abused and thrown around a bit, date this guy. The good 'ol jealous, "I will beat your fucking head in til you're in a coma", boyfriend. Take the "married guy" type, turn him into a psycho and this is what you get. An amazing man that will go "Sleeping with the Enemy" on your ass if you get caught slippin'. He'll be faithful, love you, honor you, be there for you. Just one thing to note, you do anything that is outside his guidelines, you'll be choking on your own blood 2-3 times a month. Hope you have enough vacation days to heal those wounds when you get beat the fuck up. Is this an over-exaggeration? Well, that all depends on who you ask. Stupid bitches date these guys then play victim. You're an adult, if you're miserable, get the fuck out of it. If you pull the whole, "I'm scared for my life" card, remember this...there is something called 911 and the goddamn police. Anyway, I'm assuming this isn't your cup of tea, right? But guess who still is dating these assholes????
#4 The Video Gamer Type:
He plays video games and is still a virgin. He's never masturbated a day in his goddamn life and if he were to shoot a wad, he could probably demolish a house with the heat he's probably packing inside that 4 inch dong of his. These guys are what I like to call A-Sexual. Not really sure what that means, other than, they don't like sex or bitches. They aren't gay and they aren't trying to become priests. The motherfuckers play video games all day and think they're real. I like a good video game here and there but for fuck's sake, ain't no video game worth more than a piece of ass. If any of you know someone in this category please do me and America a huge fucking favor...get this motherfucker a prostitute and show him what busting a nut feels like. I'm pretty sure once he shoots his first-ever-wad, he will have a new hobby...it's called FUCKING. You're all probably asking why I mentioned a guy like this, right? Because there are actual women that date these types of dudes. Then wonder why they have to buy new vibrators every month. I shit you not, people.
#5 The Gay Type:
No need for details here. These dudes don't like chicks. Well, only for shopping and drinking coffee and shit but, other than that, they don't dig the female species. They love dudes. Can't knock 'em for it so why argue. Even though they're in love with the "Hershey Highway" they are still dudes but just gay dudes. They will listen to you, love you, be true to you but just won't fuck you and be your boyfriend. Wanted to be treated like a queen? No problem. Want your fucking feet rubbed? No problem. Want to have someone to go to the mall with? No problem. Want to have tons of sex? Yes. But with other dudes. See where this is going? You my friend could be fucked beyond belief (figuratively speaking, of course). Only because, again, you want some guy that doesn't fucking exist. Get it?
5 types of guys. All of which don't have what some women want. It's shitty to not have what you want, and it's even shittier to have what you don't want, isn't it? Some chicks need to chill the fuck out and realize that the man they are trying to build will never exist. It's women like that who are angry all the time but bitch on why they are still fucking single. Don't blame men on the bullshit you like to call "reality". Some ladies say they don't false advertise and lay it all out there. I say some broads are full of fucking shit and need to stop being so goddamn blind. Hey, dreamers can dream though , right?
But if what they're saying is true, then realize one thing...guys are smart enough to roll with it just so they can sleep with females. Call me an asshole all you want, the reality is, guys will say shit just to get in your pants. And I bet the fucking house, they have been in these broads pants, quite a bit. Then, of course, tell you the shit you don't want to hear. Ain't that a bitch?
Let's keep it real, ladies. "Romeo" may not exist so go for the next best thing that isn't any of these 5 motherfuckers. You do that, consider yourself single for a very long time that has a bright future with an apartment full of cats as your roommates.
You're welcome.
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