Advice Column: Shawty Swing My Way

I have been seeing this guy for the past 2 months. We are not a couple as we have both just gone through a divorce and don't want to put a label on anything yet. However, we spend every weekend together and at least a couple nights out of the week. I'm not seeing anyone else and as far as I know he isn't either. Several weeks ago it came to my attention that he had never had a 3some... challenge accepted lol. Somehow we went from the 3some conversation to the swingers club conversation and we both set a date to go which is this coming saturday.  My question to you is... Am I making a huge mistake by doing this with him? I do have feelings for him and I'm basically doing this because I want to fulfill the 3some for him and because he and I are both very adventurous and this is one thing we want to check off our bucket list. I am however worried that I will end up being just the "fun" girl and that is not what I want to happen here. Give it to me straight J.



Dear Lover Of Dick And Not Dicks,

First off, you're a couple. Don't get that shit twisted. Secondly, don't say you aren't then describe to me how y'all hang out all the fucking time and you have feelings for him. You sound like a fucking idiot. Ok, rant over.

Sweet Tits, what I'm about to tell you, I'm sure everyone reading this is thinking in their head. I'm also sure that if you were to ask your friends, they would probably tell you something along the same lines of what I'm about to tell you. The only difference is that by me telling you, your feelings don't get hurt because I personally don't give a fuck and that's why you wrote in.

Now, you being a good little girl to your man is pretty fucking stellar. However, just because you want to please him doesn't mean you want to be pleased or watch him be pleased. If you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, I mean you being pleased by more than one dick and him being pleased by a vagina that makes grown men cry. Awesome that you want to fulfill his fantasy of a threesome. You, him and another chick. Have fun!

But a swingers club? To be honest, I've never done that shit because I can't fathom my dick entering another broads vagina after 3-10 other dicks have done the same while we all fuck in a circle making farm animal noises and competing for who can fuck who the best.

Your ass gotta realize that once you put "feelings" into this whole conversation, you trying to fulfill a swingers fantasy ain't up your alley. But before people start to comment on what the fuck I just said, hear me the fuck out. There are couples who are married or together that do this shit on the regular. They are in love but also love fucking other people while their mate fucks someone else, all while, watching each other get their fuck on. That's some gangster shit for real! How-the-fuck-ever, some people who like to call themselves adventurous, are full of shit. Threesome, ok. Go eat another bitches pussy out while your man is fucking you from behind. But as soon as you go from that to the big leagues, you are playing with fucking fire my friend.

Your ass went from crawling to straight up sprinting...just said, "fuck the walking part". Like it was no big fucking deal. You following what the fuck I'm saying?

Are you making a big mistake?

What the fuck do you think? I know your type. And your type is the, "I want to be this girl I'm not, but I'll do my goddamn best to play it off so I can be cool". Look sweetheart, is this really about being adventurous or this cat trying to push the envelope to see how far your level of whore can go? I'm not saying that's a bad thing at all. All I'm saying is that if you care for this dude and you're already worried about him possibly enjoying (because you know he will) and going ape shit with his dick inside a plethora of other females vaginas, then stand the fuck down. The Fucklympics haven't even happened yet, you're wrapped up in feelings and you don't want to just be considered the "fun girl".  I'm no genius but it's not about you just being considered the "fun girl". Hell no it' not. It's that AND you worrying that this dude's probably gonna find another bad bitch that is better than you. That's life. There is other pussy in this world that is better than yours and the neighbor's down the street. So to go out on a limb and check this off your bucket list leaves a little fear of not only this being a good time BUT, it being a better time than just fucking you.

Threesomes, gang bangs, swingers clubs, bukkake fest, etc. are for those who are strong and very open minded. It's for those who can take it for what the fuck it is and move the fuck on after it happens. It's none of this, "well I have feeling for them and blah, blah, blah..."

AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!!!!

So what that's on your bucket list. If so, do that shit with someone you don't give a fuck about and can move on without knowing your ass is gonna get hurt. Because let's be honest, if you go on with this, you're gonna witness something that might not rub you the right way...literally and figuratively. Me personally, I've had a threesome with people I knew I could give a shit about. The opportunity was there, the only feelings I had at the time was a hard ass penis and honestly, I knew I could do this since there was no emotion or whatever fucking else that involved caring. Now as for some swinger shit...never done that. BUT, me and 3 other buddies did do some gang bang shit to this one girl who was a downright whore who I think found God like 3 years ago. That was all good. It was just weird when my buddy who went last actually kissed the chick after she gave me and my buddies prior, blow jobs. Til this day, we ask that last buddy what it felt like to tastes three other wangs in his mouth. Man, I'm definitely going to fucking hell. But I digress...

My advice if it wasn't clear enough is to just let that shit be and don't fuck with it. Your man may be down because let's be honest...dudes are fucking dicks and are selfish when it comes to pussitunities. You on the other hand ain't built for this shit. At least when you care for a dude. Nothing wrong with that, just stop being delusional with all this, "look at me, I'm so adventurous" bullshit. You want adventure, go bungee jump off a fucking building...there, there's your adventure. Y'all can do that shit holding hands or something.

If you want to take a step back and do the threesome thing because it's more intimate, then by all means, do your thang. Just remember that if you aren't strong minded and know what the fuck you're getting into, don't blame him. That shit is all on you. Takes two to tango, baby.

Go in peace and fuck like a beast.

Cheers,

J-Wunder