CRAIGSLIST: Save My Nipples

Living in the Midwest is awesome, until winter comes. Being a chick has it's benefits but when it gets cold and it starts to snow, shit gets real. If you thought having a period was bad, try having your nipples so hard and pointy that you could cut right through the thickest piece of steel you could imagine. Fuck diamond cutters for nipples, try some nipples that NASA created that will destroy anything that touches it's path. This is were I need a man or a woman to come in.

Wanted: A warm mouth to heat my frigid ass nipples. It's fucking 3 degrees people!! Do you know how fucking cold that is? It's fucking cold as fuck. Dudes with dicks would have vaginas...that's how major their penis shrinkage would be due to this frigid ass weather.

I really need someone to suck on these titties so they don't fall off. It's not a sexual thing, it's a "I don't want my nipples to fall off so I need something that is warm like a heater" kind of thing. No monetary reimbursement will be provided, but I have a great rack! Win-win!! Must be ok with piercings. No biters. My tits should not be sucked on like a baby bottle. Must be gentle and professional. Serious inquiries only. It's going to be a long, cold winter folks.

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
• Compensation: no pay