J-Wunder! I need your opinion/advice. You are always so straight to the point and honest and that's something I need right now.
Long story short -
first love dogged me hard. First love
back in high school - we dated for almost a year. We were our first everything! I even got pregnant but ended up having an
abortion - my mom forced the issue since I was a minor. A few months later we broke up - a few more
months and we officially quit each other.
Haven't talked since. Flash
forward 17 years and our sons end up playing on the same basketball team. We are both married now with kids. I'm happy in my marriage but I straight list
my mind seeing him. Honestly it was very
awkward for me to see our sons being friends in the same court. I didn't know how to act I had all these
emotions flooding back to me. So I
emailed him with a piece offering - no awkwardness, let's be friends. I told
him that my husband knows all about him (even the abortion). His response, don't tell my wife who you are. That set me off - here I am trying to be all
nice and he has to act like I'm some dirty secret. Feeling hurt I told him no worries I'll
pretend I don't know him and I won't contact him again. My son is no longer on the team. My husband thinks I should tell his wife -
defend my honor. What do you think? Was I wrong to reach out? Is this my proof
that he never really loved me at all? I think
that's what I'm trying to figure out in all this. Does he not think about the fact that we once
had a baby? Is it possible he's that heartless?
Any
input/opinion/advice you could give would be greatly appreciated!
Dear Flash in The Pan,
I didn’t put your real sign off because even though I am all
about the business, I ain’t about putting your government name out there so
people can be all up in YOUR business. I try to keep it classy as fuck some
days. Just so you know, J wanted me to answer this question because this asshole is off actually working his day job...acting like he ain't some published author and shit. That dude loves to stay humble. Anyway, enough about his crazy ass...this is about ME helping YOU. Shall we?
Before I get to the gristle of my answer, I must point out
the hilarious Freudian slip you threw in. You offered him a piece offering
instead of a peace offering. I hope in your email you didn’t put that
you wanted to make a piece offering, because if you did that would be a
pretty clear indicator of why he told you not to tell his wife who you are. If
my dude’s ex from 17 years back offers my dude a piece of anything, I am
gonna go straight Tonya Harding on that ass and hire some dudes to break some
fucking kneecaps.
The first part of your email wasn’t too bad, then you hopped
on a one way bus to Crazy
Town . I don’t know what
happened while you were typing this on your phone (readers: I know she was
because I fucking KNOW, ok?), but you went from normal to borderline psychotic in a few sentences. Were you in the car and someone cut you off? Were
you at the grocery store and some kid beamed you in the head with a can of peas?
You seemed to be holding it together in the beginning of the email, and then...BOOM GOES THE CRAZY DYNAMITE. Let me break some shit down for you, real quick.
1) Should you tell his wife?
FUCK NO. You will look 50 Shades of Crazy and like some
jilted bitch who can’t move on. Defend your honor? From what? What happened was
17 years ago. It’s not like you are on the hoe stroll on the regular or shaking
your mommy milk bags for dollars and you need to defend the life you are
currently living. And what kind of shit do you need to defend from the past?
You were a teenager and you got into some shit that teenagers get into ALL THE TIME. I mean, was there a chance that it was either your boyfriend’s baby OR
the entire football team’s, because you let them run a train on you? Probably
just the former. Do you need to defend your momma for making you get rid of the
baby? Nope! That is on your mom's to deal with.
You have moved on, up, and over that mess. So let it go.
Fucked up shit happens to all of us and we all deserve a chance for peace from
the past. And tell your husband to stop acting like a little beotch and trying
to see two chicks fight in a pool of jello in bikinis. That is NOT what is
going to happen if you go running to new wifey trying to dredge up some shit
from a lifetime ago. More like you might get shot in the face, Amy Fisher style
– yes, today’s column is full of 90’s Escandoloso. You are welcome.
2) Does he not think about the fact that you had a baby/is
it is possible that is that heartless?
I am sure it crosses his mind that he once slipped one past
your goalie. But shit went down and he MOVED THE FUCK ON with his life and got
him a new one. Let me sing you the song of his people, “Men are simple
creatures, men are simple creatures, fa-la-la-la la-la-la-la.”
No, he is not heartless. He is human. He pressed
ctrl-alt-delete on that time in his life and pushed it to the back of his mind.
Most men don’t deal with trauma, tragedy, or emotions by putting all their shit
out there and having an Oprah style cry-fest, complete with surprise guests
from their past. No, they bury that shit deep in their chest cavity and focus
on getting to the next fucking day.
Two words: STOP TRIPPIN'.
Two words: STOP TRIPPIN'.
3) Were you wrong to reach out?
Yes and No. You said y’all officially quit each other. This leads me to believe he didn’t suddenly
stop calling you, or move to another town never to be heard from again – y’all
had the talks, the tears, and the “break up.” Meaning you had closure. I know
when bitches don’t get closure, their brains begin to short circuit and then
all kinds of crazy unfolds from that. If you didn’t have closure, then no, you
weren’t wrong to reach out. But if you did, then yes, you kind of were. And you got exactly what you deserved.
You said YOU lost your mind seeing him and that it was
awkward for YOU. Did you ever think about how he was affected or feeling,
especially if he had put everything to do with you on the back burner and was
just you know, living his new life? You should have read the verbal and
non-verbal cues from him and if it was awkward as fuck and weird, then you should have
left it at that. End of story.
Lemme axe you a question: If you are married to a new dude,
have a couple chirruns with this dude, and what appears to be a pretty chill
marriage, why are you sweating old news? I get that some shit went down 17
years ago and it seems like you have a twinge of regret, but baby-girl, that is
the past. You know what happens when you dwell on the past? You forget about
the present.
Word.
H-Bomb
H-Bomb
6 comments:
Word. I was thinking the same thing about the crazy half way through! Lmao! Great advise... As usual!! =)
I wish this author would write in her style, not J's. She's good until she attempts to act like a dude.. It's all about placement.. Overall pretty good.
Hilarious and so true! Love you H-BOMB!
#truth
"A piece offering"..piece of what? Lol.
Amen. that chick gotta check out Naikan therapy. that might help to self reflect and sort out some shit
Post a Comment