She Did What?!

Fan Column Contribution Week: Skampcity

I know someone who had to shit so bad while their guest was in the shower, that they shat in their cat's litter box. Yup. True story.

Think about that for one hot minute. Dancing from foot to foot, stomach all tore up, begging and pleading with friend to get the fuck out - NOW, and then realizing that it's too late.  Because it's coming whether you want it to or not. Especially since you ate that burrito at that shady Mexican joint last night. Beads of worried sweat are forming on your brow, and you're beginning to pant, like you're about to give birth.  

Can you imagine eying the kitty shit box and coming up with THAT plan? And moreover, squatting over it and just letting loose? I wonder if her cat was watching her while she was doing it. I wonder if ol' Garfield was staring at her with his head cocked to one side, because you KNOW that cat was wondering what the fuck was going on. (If it'd been me, there is no way I could've been ok with my cat staring at me while I was decimating his box. Nope. No fucking way. I would've thrown something at him till he quit staring; I couldn't handle the embarrassment or the disappointed look in his eyes.)

I also wonder if she even used her feet to cover it up, just like the cat would. Because that'd take some flexibility I'm not sure I possess - squatting and covering poo all at the same time. All I know is...that was a brilliant move. Can't say that I ever, EVER, would've thought of doing that. Good work, gurl. You get points for ingenuity and originality.

I probably would have just stood there, with my undies covered in a shit pile of shame.