Advice Column: Peace The Fuck Out

J-wunder-

Ok I am not even sure how to word this but I am at a loss of what exactly to do here. I have been with a guy for 3 years...during this time the guy cheated on me. I forgave him, ok with that said he turns right back around during the time he was cheating and accuses me of sleeping with anyone from our roommate to his friends. Now a year and a half later he is still on the same shit. And frankly as much as I love this man I am getting sick of hearing "I need to woman up and tell him the truth." This guy needs to accept the fact that although I did lie about some shit in our relationship ( having to do with past relationships) i never cheated on him, believe me he did enough cheating for the both of us. So what exactly can I say or do to end this endless argument?? I have heard from many different people that i should leave him, or just let him think that things will work out, to he is crazy and just saying that cause he was cheating and thought you would too, and many many more wonderful tid-bits of advice. During our relationship he got put in prison, so this is where we are at, he is in prison, insecurities and all, and I am out here trying to keep it together while going to school full time and taking care of two kids by myself. So what is you advice for my situation. This guy despite his fucked up behavior in the past has been there for me when I had no one, and I am there for him when his own family wont accept a phone call or visit him. So what say you?

Lost in Translation



Dear Lost in Translation,

First things first...if you are going to school, do me a huge fucking favor - ask your English teacher about run-on fucking sentences, grammar and punctuation. For fucks fucking sake. You sound like someone who talks without taking a fucking breath. For someone who goes to school full-time, you sure as hell know how to sound like someone who doesn't go to school at all. But I digress...

What the fuck is it with some women these days? I mean, really?! You came to me looking for advice about this? Check it out Sweet Tits:

YOU NEED TO WOMAN UP AND LEAVE THIS MOTHER FUCKER.

Read this again and again and again...until you are blue in the goddamn face.

Here is a man who has labeled you as a "cheater" but has cheated on your ass so much, that he has done enough cheating for the both of you. You've dated him for 3 years and basically, he's still hanging this shit over your head.

BITCH, ARE YOU CRAZY?!

You know, it's women like you, who don't have a fucking backbone. Who make excuses to stay in a relationship. Oh, and btw, don't give me that "he's been there for me..." blah, blah, bullshit. Who gives a fuck?! Is he there for you now? No ma'am. You know where he is? This mother fucker is locked up. Just goes to show how much you and your kids mean to him. I don't need you to explain the situation for me to understand anything. Any dude that is locked up while he was with you tells me one thing - there are more important things that are on his agenda than making sure he gets to be with you.

And while he's getting his asshole tickled by his cellmate, Papa Pierre, you are sitting there wondering what the fuck to do but at the same time, trying to justify why you should stay. Go ahead and use the "we've been there for each other" or "he's the father to my two awesome kids" excuse, bottom line, you're making excuses on trying to keep something that should have ended 3 years ago. All those people who have been telling you to leave this piece of shit are right. The problem is, they're probably your friends and you know what a majority of people do when friends try to tell them what to do even though you ask for their opinion? You do the mother fucking opposite. Why? Because we are fucking stupid and we think we know better than those who actually might have a goddamn solution to a fucked up problem. Real talk.

Your situation isn't rocket science. If you want to still be with this guy while trying to find a solution to this endless argument, then good fucking luck. If this shit has been going on for over a year already, if not longer, you my friend, are going to be one miserable ass bitch for a very long fucking time.

WAKE THE FUCK UP.

Going to school full-time while taking care of two kids by yourself and dealing with this mother fucker?

AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.

As people are reading this, they are shaking their heads thinking, "This has got to be one of the dumbest bitches on the planet. How could you not dump him? I would have kicked his ass to the curb a long time ago." It's easy to say shit like this when we're not in those shoes. I'll tell you that first hand. How-the-fuck-ever, you're a grown ass woman who needs to act like a grown ass goddamn woman and stand the fuck up for yourself and ditch his punk ass. If you can't due to fear, then I suggest you use your phone to call the police to help you out in that situation. If it's obligation, then have fun being obligated to misery for the rest of your goddamn life. If it's confusion, then you're just a fucking idiot and need more help than coming to me and asking for some obvious advice.

Wake the fuck up, girl. This dude has you trippin' off shit you haven't even done. And you're still putting up with it while trying to find a solution to a problem that has stayed around for over a year. Stop making excuses or whatever the fuck you want to call it and kick Little Puppet to the curb. You have your whole life ahead of you. Why let some punk ass bitch be the one thing that holds you down? Grow a pair, stand your ground and peace the fuck out.

If you don't, then blame yourself for sticking around. Don't blame him, your kids, the situation or the Korean dude who owns the quickie mart down the corner. It's all on you.

Do no harm...but take no shit.

J-Wunder