Advice Column: Sick of Your Shit

Hey J,

Was hoping you may shed a little insight on how to deal with a complete fuckface of an ex husband and father of my two children (7 Boy & 15 Girl). This aint a short relationship. I was with this fucker for 20 years. But, when I left with one suitcase and my kids, shit went south real quick. Now... without going into all the gory details, my question to you is : Its been 2 and a half years since I walked the fuck out. And still, this fucktard wants to try and control my life. He's told my children I'm a drug dealer/user, a POS whore/ stupid bitch etc etc... MY FUCKING CHILDREN!! Now.. lets just give him the benefit of the doubt and say I actually am all these things, should he tell my kids this shit?!? Fuck no he shouldn't and I know this & have told him to stop but I mine as well be talking to a goddamn fence post. The courts dont give a rats ass if you talk bad about the other parent. He doesn't get the fact that saying this stupid shit to his kids doesn't hurt me.. It hurts them. All the while he pays a whopping $250 a month in child support. What the fuck am I supposed to do?? SN: I'm tired of fighting to prove my "character" to my fucking children because of him. 

Thanks,
Just tired..



Dear Just Tired,

You know what I am tired of? All of you women whining about how men did you wrong and you don’t know what to do. You know who is to blame for this shit continuing after 2 years? Y- O - U. You know what you need to do right this very minute? Go to Wal-Mart (yes I am stereotyping by assuming there is a Wal-Mart pretty fucking close to your house) and buy a bunch of band-aids. When you get home, put all the band-aids all over your arms. Make sure they are sticking to the arm hair really good, too. On the count of 3, rip them all off at once. I know, it seems a little masochistic that I am telling you to do this. I just want something to hurt more than what I am about to say.

Are you fucking kidding me? Really? Are you and J punking me? I have to think so, because I swear on my Gucci Fanny Pack that he sends me all the bleeding-heart-women with man troubles. But honestly, is there some fucking epidemic in our country where women think it’s OK to let men fuck with them and they just take it? Are you bitches watching too much Mad Men and reverting to that ‘demure-housewife-shy-kitten” way of life? I watch that shit too, and what I get from it is that those bitches have a lot of inner bad-ass in them and they are just waiting to ‘bus it wide open.’ You need to find your inner bad-ass. She is in there. She is the same take-no-shit chick that packed that suitcase 2 years ago.

The next thing I have to ask (and I have to ask because you brought it up) is: are you a drug dealer? I don’t know what kind of shit-brain your ex-hubby is, but if he is not making that up, then you need to worry less about what he says and more about what the fuck you are doing with your life. Here’s the thing; I don’t sit in judgement of anyone, because I don’t know your life. However, I do not think it is ok if you are selling drugs in your home, near or around your kids. Are you trying to raise a future stripper/porn star/prostitue and another possible serial killer? I know people who have been raised in worse by worse, but if you are doing what your ex says you are doing, then you aren’t doing your kids any fucking favors. Oh, Be-Tee-Dubs, if you are selling drugs, I won’t need a reminder to open hand slap you if I ever see you. I will remember to do it. Believe that.

Now, if you are not the things your ex says, then you are very wrong about the courts not caring about what he says about you, especially to your children. It is called slander or defamation of character and I don’t know exactly what part of Bum Fuck Egypt you live in, but in most states it is against the law. While I am in the law profession, I don’t specialize in family law and I am not sure of the family court laws where you live. I do know just from being around people who do know family law that when one parent is doing something that is causing emotional distress to a child (like, I don’t know, calling their mom a whore) that is something they would take into account. Have you even looked into it or are you too busy playing the victim to try to actually get in front of a judge and tell them what is going on. I said this was going to be tough, and I wasn’t fucking around. Put your pretty panties on and suck it up, chicky, you came to us.

If you don’t need his money simply tell him to fuck off. If you don’t have the tits to do it, give me his number and I will. I fucking hate dick-bag ex-husbands who push their women around... but like I said, if you really are slanging shit, then you don’t need to worry about him and what he says; you need to worry about all the people you deal with and that crazy bitch Karma. She’s a real motherfucker. Trust me. I know from my own experience.

Bottom line- stop taking unnecessary shit. From anyone. If you read this and you want to tell me to fuck off, more power to you. Grow a pair, buy a pair, rent a pair, whatever. Just get a pair. Build a safe place for your kids and make them, not what ever the fuck your ex-husband is doing to you every minute of every day, your priority. Then, even if you are a drug-dealing, piece of shit, whore, stupid bitch woman, you will at least be a good mom. And if you are a good mom and you raise your kids right they won’t give a fuck if you cleaned toilets or sold meth to provide for them. They will only remember you were a good mom.

Now enough with all this goddamn touchy-feeling Emo shit. Let’s get fucked up and do fucked up shit.

Meet me at the titty bar and bring change so we can make it hail! Fuckers.

- H-Bomb