No one is perfect. Despite your best efforts, hook ups don’t always go as planned so this probably isn’t the first time you’ve heard the phrase “it happens to a lot of people…”. Since bad sex story skeletons lurk in the back of every closet, we might as well embrace them. Presented without comment, some of our favorite horrible hook up texts.
(310): Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn’t drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
(302): I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche….the Lesbian Years.
(404): He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm … how is this fair?
(812): This is the first time I have ever hoped it’s poison ivy on my cock
(817): After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
(773): She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn’t leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like “that guy”.
(718): He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates….using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
(+03): Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said ‘whats going on in here’
(661): I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in “I love you, I’ll try harder and I’m sorry.”
(716): He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
via - TFLN
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