The Haters Guide to Facebook
The following is the stuff I see on a daily basis, on Facebook. This shit drives me mother fucking bananas. I bet you Ghetto Genius fans can relate to a few of these. If you can’t, then fuck you. Touche’.
1) It is NEVER, EVER, FUCKING EVER, ok for a man to use a sad face emoticon on Facebook. It’s weak and feminine as fuck. You’re basically advertising that at some point in your life, you’ve had a set of balls on your chin. Man the fuck up!
2) Stop your fucking whining. Most of us hate our job, have difficulty in relationships, get sick..blah blah, blah, fucking blah...but nobody...and I mean, fucking NOBODY, wants to hear you fucking whine about it. If in every other post you say something like UGH or FML then this means you. Please...STFU!
3) Don’t tell everyone you're quitting facebook, or even thinking about it, just to post an hour or a day later. How old are you...12? You don’t have to announce it, just fucking go, you desperate, attention seeking nut pimple.
4) If you have 172 pictures of yourself on facebook, and every single one is JUST your face, you’re not fooling anybody. We know that you are a built like an Offensive Lineman. Instead of spending 12 hours a day stalking people on Facebook while eating burgers and twinkies, take your frumpy ass to a gym. (Just don’t FB check-in at the gym)
5) My so-called "Gangsta or I keeps it real" people….enough with the corny Facebook names: Kevin ALLupINyaGrill Jones, ShandaOnlyGetNekkedForMyBoo Washington. That shit is so fucking dumb that one of my black buddies posted on Facebook apologizing for all of you.
6) “I’m cooking Baked ham, green beans, and Caesar salad for dinner..yummmm...Nom Nom Nom.” Really Motherfucker? You should tell the people at NobodyOnEarthGivesAflyingFuck.org. BTW - if you know anyone who has ever said , “nom nom nom”, please send me a video of you punching them in the face and I will send you cash money.
7) Stop saying the word Epic. Nuff said!
8) Learn to fucking spell. Am I a grammar Nazi? You bet your ripe ass I am. When I see an adult who can’t spell 3 letter words I wanna hit them in the fucking dome with a virtual lead pipe. At least use spell check you lazy fuck!
9) Don’t try to be a badass and talk shit on Facebook. We all know you’ve never even been in a fight. All your friends are girls, you were the captain of the debate team and you have all the Star Wars action figures. Just fucking stop it! Pussy.
10) Last but not least, please show more titty in your pictures. Thank You.
Just a rant from a fan that I thought everyone could fucking appreciate. I'm out.
6 comments:
read number three and then follow number eight
#3 makes me want to smash my computer. Can a person get any more annoying than that?
Perfect example of #8, read this last night & wanted to cry..... "Done with all term papers and only have term projects to do tomorrow and get 2 weeks off!!! Yaaaaa Only 12 weeks till I'm finished with Collage again, Can't be leave I will have two Degrees. Not bad for a guy who never stated collage classes till he was 50. :>)" Maybe a spelling class is in order seeing as how you is all educated and shit now..
i'd totally bang you for this post except i know how you feel about doing pregnant chicks.
#4' commits #6 to get the attention of #5s. In other words fat chicks post face only pics and "what I'm cooking" stories to seduce the (weak) minds of the so called gangsta. FAThetic. Lol
Anonymous your example of # 8 is PERFECT.
All of my friends bitch and moan on Facebook, and I write comments on their status' NO ONE GIVE A FLYING FUCK, JUST STOP IT!
and BTW Jay, I say nom nom nom but I am a chick. ;)
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