Thursday, January 12, 2012

Apparently, dead dudes don't shoot blanks


Dead man in mortuary impregnates woman

November 11, 2010 by Dead Serious News · Leave a Comment

The Rolling Stones said it best, “You, you make a dead man cum.” A 38 year old female mortuary worker is being held on $250,000 bond after becoming pregnant by one of her clients-a dead man. The alleged crime took place at the Mourning Glory Mortuary just outside of Lexington, Missouri. Police have charged Felicity Marmaduke with desecration of the dead and necrophilia.

According to a statement made to police by Marmaduke, the alleged victim experienced a post mortem erection while being bathed. Being alone, Marmaduke straddled the dead man and proceeded have sex with him. Much to her surprise, the alleged victim came to orgasm after several minutes. A few weeks later, Marmaduke had a positive pregnancy test while receiving a routine medical exam. Upon telling her doctor the circumstances leading to the conception, the police were notified. Marmaduke was arrested without incident at her dilapidated trailer home a few blocks from the mortuary.

In a bizarre twist, Marmaduke plans to sue the dead man’s estate for child support.

via - Dead Serious News

Wait one mother fucking second. Did y'all just read what I just read? Lady fucking Marmaslut fucked a dead dude who got hard then blew his load inside of her. I'm no doctor, scientist, let alone a genius...but can someone tell me two things:

1) How the fuck can you pop fucking wood, get laid, and blow your load inside a chick, (who's fucking alive, mind you) and get her pregnant while being fucking dead? This is like some off the wall kinky porn shit..."Dead Man Fucking".

2) What sick and twisted individual would have the mother fucking nerve to bone a dead person?

I mean, if that were me giving some dead ass mother fucker a bath and he popped wood, you know what I'd do? I'd run. Run fast. Run far. How is that shit a turn on? This mother fucker is dead. With a solid ass dick. But now that I'm thinking about it, that shit's pretty fucking tight. Poor bastard was probably taking out the goddamn garbage one day when he had a heart attack. Shitty way to go out. But this, this was like a gift from God. Letting him know, "Hey big fella...it was shitty how you died. See this chick right here, she'll fuck anything." And what do ya know? Dude pops fucking wood, she rides his deceased ass cock and he blows his last load on earth...inside of her vagina...and he didn't even have to do any work to get the pussy. Mother fucker didn't even have to cuddle afterwards. Homeboy just went back to being fucking dead. Awesome for this dude, but as for her...issues folks. Fucking issues.

To make matters worse, she's pregnant with Dead Dick Magee's child. Ain't that some shit? To top it off, she's trying to sue the fucking dude for child support. Bitch, you realize you fucked a dead dude, right? *shaking my goddamn head*

Tell me that kid isn't gonna be fucked up when he grows up. Now if you'll excuse me...I'm gonna go throw the fuck up.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Notice they found her in her dilapidated trailer? Lol just sayin......

Michelle said...

That poor unborn child, has a dead father and a fuckin twisted mother.. it's sick and a shame.

Angie said...

That is fucked the fuck up...

Anonymous said...

She had sex with a dead rich guy probably, trying to get some money out of him. DNA tests will prove she's lying about the Daddy. WTG for fucking a dead guy and trying to con everyone into thinking he got you pregnant. I'm surprised she didn't claim he raped her.

Anonymous said...

what if he had aids. Gonna sue for medical too? Ewwww nasty ppl

RCinPS said...

I don't wanna totally gross you out . . . but . . . there is a certified medical practice of stimulating a male corpse into erection and ejaculation shortly after death for the purposes of extracting semen for artificial insemination . . . and it involves . . . what is tantamount to an electric cattle prod being inserted into the anus and shocking the prostate . . .
Sorry.

Anonymous said...

Dead dick mcgee lmfaoooo

Rowdy Reign said...

RCinPS you really did NOT need to share that information, it's bad enough this article made me nauseous nao I think I am going to vomit because of your 2 cents of GROSS ME THE FUCK OUT dude....WTF?!

-sigh- people are both stupid and sick....SMGDFH! I'm with ya Jay.