5 Rules to Blogging: A Guide to Getting Readers via Facebook

5 Rules to Blogging: A Guide to Getting Readers via Facebook.

A collaboration with Holdin' Holden

As a somewhat veteran blogger (3 years plus) and author, and the Ghetto Genius (and CREW) going at this for a little over 1 year, we sometimes like to think of ourselves as veterans, but we still have MUCH to learn in the world of blogging, gaining readers, and honing our craft when it comes to writing and writing well. We're not skilled, or masterful, but over time we have learned a little of what does and does not work, and right now we wish to share our slight knowledge of wealth with you...because we know what it's like to write and have no one read it, and that feeling sucks harder than a $50 hooker. So we wish to help fellow bloggers in any way that we can not make the same mistakes we have, and other bloggers have made in the past (and are still currently making). If you are looking to get people other than those indebted to you to read your brain diarrhea, this is the guide for you.

1. GOOD GRAMMAR
Seriously, does it need to be said? Good grammar is key. No one but anal retentive fucktards care about proper punctuation (as it is a bitch and just too much of a hassle most of the time), but if you are going to blog, and expect people to read it, TYPE CORRECTLY. I swear to the gods, if you use text speak in your blogs, not only will people never even be able to stomach your shit, but you are up for the worst blogger of the year award. Just.Don't.Fucking.Do.It. If you tYpE LyKe DiS, who the fuck is going to read your blog? Who is going to make it through more than one sentence? NO ONE, that's who. And if you type like that, you deserve a bat to the head, not a blog.

Spell check is an amazing function. Even if you can't spell, it is there to help you: so fucking use it.

2. Drivel
What is interesting to you might not always be interesting to others. Keep that in mind. Purchasing a new bed? Who the FUCK cares?! Unless you pissed on it while trying it out or it collapsed when you got home, WHY, oh WHY, would anyone ever want to read about it? Did you fuck on it while at Mattress Discounters? If not, then why are you telling me about it assfuck? Please, for the love of all that is holy, do not blather on and on for 10 pages about the random bullshit that went on in your day unless you're writing just for your stalker mother-in-law, who is so desperate to know about your life that she would actually sit through the mind numbing nature of your day to actually read it.

It's one thing to write a journal, it's another to write a BLOG and expect people to read it and enjoy it. There's a difference.

3. Cool story bro!
Look, just because YOU happen to think YOUR life is the most AWESOME FUCKING THING ON THE PLANET... doesn't mean anyone else will. Consider your audience, consider your content. In order to have a well read blog, you either need to be POPULAR, COMPELLING, FUNNY, or all of the above. Writing about some dumb slut who puked on your crotch while attempting to give you a blow job isn't funny unless YOU are funny. And it most certainly isn't funny if you post it AGAIN and AGAIN and a-fucking-GAIN. If you post it once... and no one likes it... and then post it again, and NO ONE LIKES IT... chances are, it SUCKS! It's not a big fucking deal. Let it GO. We all have shitty-ass blogs. Let that one sink to the bottom of the fucking ocean and try again instead of calling attention to the most awful fucking shit you've ever written. Beat a dead horse for long enough, and the horse will get the fuck up and kick your stupid ass.

4. Stay with a theme
There are a ton of fucking blogs out there. A fucking ton. The good ones that readers enjoy, stick with a theme. Don't go off the deep end and mix it up to the point that it has nothing to do with your blog. You do that, I guaran-fucking-tee you, readers will leave. Nothing's worse than the element of surprise...especially if what you decided to change up, sounds like fucking shit. You captivated your audience with what has been working, so why go out of your way to do something that doesn't go with what you've been blogging about for "x" amount of time? If you have a kick ass blog about your life as a parent then throw in a column about a fucking threesome, guess what? You will not only look like some sort of sick fuck but, you lose credibility with your readers. Realize, you don't gain readers by flipping the switch on them, you gain them by giving them more of what they enjoy.

5. Be real (especially when cursing like a sailor)
Sounds simple, right? Wrong. It's probably one of the most important things that some bloggers forget about. When we say "be real", take that as: don't just be over the top cursing for attention. Use it when it fits. Saying "fuckety fuck" doesn't make you cool unless it works. It's about timing and your subject matter. We feel that cursing helps the column be a little more entertaining, as well as speaking the truth. However, if you use it at the wrong time, your column could go straight to shit. See, that last sentence was perfect for using the word, "shit". See where we're going with this? Being a blogger gives you the opportunity to say shit that people are thinking and not saying at times. That's the fucking beauty of being a blogger. You're a story teller and an entertainer that not only you can enjoy, but your fans can too.

Five simple rules that we believe could make your existing blog or future blog be kick ass. Blogging is the new trend that I'm sure all of you know about. If you want to be that writer who people will talk about, follow these five simple steps. Just make sure you aren't missing a step. And again, we aren't masters of this art, however, we've seen success by doing what we've stated. Now go grab something to drink, snort or smoke...you mother fuckers have some writing to do.

Happy Blogging!

J-Wunder & Holdin' Holden