The "Cock Blocker"

The cock block. One of the biggest no-no’s a man or woman could ever pull on another individual. Nothing's worse than meeting someone, almost sealing the deal then BAM! The “cock blocker” steps right in, to ruin shit. And there you are, at the bar, alone…trying to score another piece of ass since the one you worked on for the last 3 hours had a change of fucking heart because some fucking assfuck decided to say some shit that gave them a reason to say, “No thanks.”

I’ve been there. You’ve been there. We have ALL been there.

Cock blockers come in different forms. So it is my job to list those forms so you can be aware of the next hater that’s about to fuck up your night of possible hooking up, 69’ing and raw dog fucking.

Shall we?

The Best Friend:

Notice I didn’t say, “The Grenade”. See, grenades are down to get down. However, best friends??? It’s a fucking crap shoot. The best friend ranks high on the cock block list because basically, if they aren’t getting any ass because they're too picky about who they fuck, but see their friend on the midst of a “walk of shame” tomorrow, they will end that party really fucking quick. Why? Because best friends feel that if they aren’t getting any, neither is their friend. What I’m trying to tell you is that these pieces of shit are goddamn selfish and need to stay at fucking home watching tv or something. Oh, please note, this only applies to women. The rule for men is, “If I’m fucking and you’re not…have a good night mother fucker. I’ll let you know how it goes. Peace.” Lets be honest…the best friend cock blocker is a chick thing. FACT: Chicks hate, men congratulate.


The Swiper:

From the moment you walked in that bar or club, you locked eyes with that one person. That person that told you with their eyes, “I’m fucking horny, and you’re tonight’s lucky contestant on “Lets fuck”.” That was easy. Knowing that the deal isn’t signed and sealed, you put in work. You sit with them at the bar…drink, laugh, flirt and wait for that moment when it’s “time to go”. That’s until “The Swiper” ruins the mother fucking party. *shaking my fucking head*

Who’s the swiper you ask? Well dear friends, the mother fucking swiper is that fucking cock blocking sack of shit that comes in at the very last minute to ruin the party. Basically, these assholes do everything in their power to make sure your “hook-up” doesn’t go home with you. Real talk.

From buying both of you more drinks, to starting up pointless convo’s, “The Swiper” wants THE ass you’re about to pound the shit out of, and will plan to fight to the very fucking death to make sure you don’t have a good night of fucking. Cock blocking at its finest. Ain't that a fucking bitch?!


The No-Game Having Hater:

The name says it all. Believe it or not, most of my many run-ins have been with these sons of bitches, and you know what? I would have loved to beat the living shit out of each one. True story.

These types try to spit game the same time you do. They'll talk shit in a joking way to make you look bad, while trying to get your possible "hook up" to laugh AT you, not with you. They don't know what to say or how to say it. So what do they do? They act desperate. Desperate in a sense that some would call it cute, but others call it FUCKING ANNOYING. 

T.N-G.H.H. is like that of "The Swiper", but they stick with you from the get-go...til you either give the fuck up on who you're trying to hook up with OR you try to start a fight...which is what they want because once you lose your cool, shit just goes downhill. And once that happens - Game.Set.Match.No-Game Having Hater. They're fucking, while you go home to masturbate to Celine Dion tracks.


Three evil types of mother fuckers who will try to ruin your game. So what's the solution you ask? It's simple:

If you got game...why worry? Haters gonna hate. If your game IS that tight, these three will make like bitches and leave. Plain.And.Simple.