Dear Hater...

Dear Hater,

I hope this letter finds you well. Actually, no I don’t you fucking hater. So hey, I got a question for you…what the fuck is your goddamn problem? How come you can’t lighten the fuck up? For fuck’s sake, you realize 53% of America hates you motherfuckers, right? What did any of us non-haters do to you?

Were you not hugged enough as a kid or something? Why do you gotta hate on everything? Is it our fault you haven’t been laid and you’re 35 years old living in your parents basement? Don’t blame us, motherfuckers, blame your parents for giving birth to something that looks like a retarded fucking ostrich with tourette's.

Lemme guess…you’re mad because the ideas your friends or others had are better than yours? Well, ain’t that a bitch. Stop kidding yourself, you don’t have ideas. You’re too fucking stupid to have ideas. How do we know? Well, considering your Facebook statuses sound like a foreign exchange student trying to read the English Dictionary, we’re pretty sure you’re a fucking idiot. But hey, “you don’t give a fuck…you keep it real”, right? Please motherfucker, spare the air and die already.

Wanna know why no one likes you? Because bottom line, you’re a fucking hater. You know what God hates more than a fucking pussy? A fucking hater. That's right. You = Hater. As the world goes about their day and actually enjoys life, there you are…hating the fuck away. Trying to make sure everyone is miserable so you can get a good laugh. That’s funny, only because when we ignore you, you try harder…and harder…so damn hard that it eats at you. Every day. Every fucking night. How does it feel to have two jobs? You know, sucking your dads dick to make sure he leaves you something good in the Will and Hating? We all know you don’t have a real job. Why? Because you are the most socially awkward motherfucker, that’s why. And for some strange reason, it has led you to hate...EVERYBODY.

How do you do it? What’s the motivation? I bet it was the failed Rapture, huh? Actually, I’m almost 100% positive it was the failed Rapture that brought you haters out in full effect. Well let me tell you and the other 47% of you fucking haters something…KEEP HATING. Keep hating motherfuckers because at the end of the day, the 53% will still be better than you, still get more ass, still have more friends, still make people laugh, still live drama free and still eat bacon (with syrup bitch). All because the shit that keeps you sons of bitches awake at night, doesn’t mean shit to us.

You’re reading this and saying, “I’m a hater, you’re a fucking hater for writing this column”. No, no, no my fucktastic hater friend...I'm not hating. I'm stating a goddamn fact. A fact that says you, slap dick, are a piece of shit and could go fuck a goat for all we care.

So in sum, lighten the fuck up or keep hating. Your choice. Regardless, the 53% will go about their day enjoying life and living drama free. Just know that while you sit there, all pouty and shit, with your 10 cats that smell like fucking sweaty ass feet, while playing 22 non-stop, action packed hours of Call of Duty. Does that make you angry? Sad? Frustrated? I hope it does. I really fucking do. Cunt.  

Oh, and one last thing...go fuck yourself.

Thanks,

53% of Awesomeness, Bitch