J-Wunder's Jersey Shore Review

Yeah bitch...you're fucking CRAZY!

Option #2 with a dash of backfire:
Question: How do you get revenge on the guy who's been talking shit to YOU and about YOU? Just put the girl he's been fucking for weeks in his bed (while highly intoxicated), so when he gets home with a new bitch to bang, he's caught red handed. HAHAHA...GOT YA BITCH! Uhhhh, not so much...

Give credit where credit is due. "The Snatchuation" brings home some Australian broad (who by the way, looked more homeless than hottie) to see if she's really "DTF", when all of the sudden, up pops whore-ass Brittney ready to fuck Mr. Mike's brains out. As Snooks and the girls were waiting for the drama to unfold in Mike's room, everything backfired. You would think after a girl takes off her shirt while the other one stares, would cause some sort of fucked up tension. Well friends, it didn't. Mike being Mike, looked at what was presented in front of him - guaranteed sex vs. I might get shot down playing with some titties, and basically went with the safe bet...banging blondie. The look of disappointment and stupidity on Snooki's face when Homeless Magee left the house, made my night. And as much as I fucking hate Mike, I gotta admit, dude still got his fuck on...with a goddamn whore, mind you...but hey, pussies pussy, right? Survey says...2 Balls Up.


Kung-fu Mike:
"Mike's having an imaginary confrontation with himself right now." - Vinny

What happens when you get in your first ever fight, knock yourself out on a concrete wall and end up being ok once the smoke clears? Apparently, you think you're goddamn Jackie Chan. That's right folks...when Snooki's boyfriend, Jionni, arrived to the house, Mike thought it was appropriate to let the roommates know that if Jionni comes within a foot of him, he's going to kick him. And not just any type of kick, oh no. I'm talking some sort of Jean-Claude Van Damme shit. Looks like the fucking impact from head butting a wall cause "The Dick-uation" to have a severe case of Kung-fu-itis. Really, bro? It was like Ralph Machio was on the Jersey Shore ready to fight Johnny and pull "The Crane" on his ass. Mike, you're a fucking pussy. It's ok, America knows you are. Accept it and move the fuck on. The only ass you're gonna be kicking is that wall you head butted, fuck face. Wait...the wall kicked YOUR ass, so I guess you lose. Pussy.


Welcome Jionni...P.S. Snooki's a whore:
Welcome to Italy, Jionni! Lets go out, have some drinks and maybe...just maybe, your slut of a girlfriend will get on the dance floor, show some titties AND pull up her skirt and show the world her panties...you know, like what strippers do, kinda. This girl is a definite keeper, huh? News flash: Snooki is a goddamn whore. And if in reality she's really not a whore, she sure as hell fucking acts like one.

Look America, this episode showed me 3 things: 1) Snooki is fucking trash, 2) Snooki is not only an emotional wreck but, the bitch is fucking crazy, 3) Snooki is fucking delusional and will never be able to hold a steady relationship until she matures the fuck up. Real damn talk.

I may look like a jackass right now when I say that Vinny had a point when he said, "Jionni knew what he was getting into when he dated Snooki, so I don't know what's the big deal." Man's got a point. You don't buy shit without test driving it right? Eh, maybe. And if I were a betting man, I think Jionni got his fucking ass a goddamn lemon. No one knows if Snooki put on a front when she met "Prince Charming". Shit, for all we know, this bitch probably told him she's changed and isn't this crazy, drunk, slutty bitch anymore. That she is more wholesome. Mature. And you know what? Fuck all that shit. Either Snooki is an amazing fucking liar or Jionni is a fucking idiot. I'll let America decide because that shit is a goddamn coin flip. But to my point...

Jionni came all the way to Italy to see his girl. Not some girl who acts like a fucking stripper. America's not fucking stupid...Snooki was acting like a fucking stripper. If that were me, I'd do exactly what Jionni did...toss that bitches jacket in her face and leave. I get that my girls sexy but fuck, have some fucking class you cunt. For fuck's sake, this isn't Cheetah's and you ain't no stripper so stop acting like one. Bitches with no class will never get it. Feel me?

I don't want to get into how Snooki got all emotional and fucking crazy when Jionni bounced. All America needs to know is that she's an immature little bitch who needs to date guys that have no fucking morals or class...kinda like her. Plain.And.Simple. No one said she won't be able to find a man...hell, she can find one on any street corner of the goddamn world...just not a man that will put up with her whore-ass-antics. True story. However, don't get it twisted...Jionni's still a fucking douche and needs to lighten the fuck up when it comes to certain things. I mean, did he have to fly the fuck back to Jersey after only being in town a few hours? That's a little crazy. I like to call that BITCHASSNESS. Man, these two mother fuckers are both fucked up, aren't they? In any event, fuck you Snooki and Jionni, got play with you balls in the corner somewhere kid. Fucking assholes.


Dr. Ronnie, "Relationship Expert", to the rescue:
Wait, what?! Ummmm...sorry, that was a misprint.


So what did we learn in episode 8, folks? Don't be fooled by whore ass bitches that think they got their shit together. You do that, they will not only go fucking crazy, but still act like a little slut. Oh, we also learned that when you kick your own ass, you get karate powers like Jackie Chan. Hey Mike, you're a fucking idiot. Idiot. Next week, don't expect any less drama. Because we all know...America loves fucking drama!

In the words of Maury Povich..."Until next time America..."