There's a "Bitch-uation" in the house:
Mike, Mike, fucking Mike...what's wrong buddy, you're looking a little sad? What's that? Oh, you sprained your neck? Hmmm...well what the fuck you think was going to happen when you decided to ram your goddamn dome into a cement fucking wall...full speed ahead? Two words: Fucking idiot. Three more words: Good for you. Pussy.
Why should anyone feel sorry for you, man? You've been milking this injury as much as a baby milking its mothers teat. I mean, you have got to be one of the dumbest mother fuckers to ever knock himself out on national television, go to the hospital, then cry because no one is giving you any love. Maybe if you got your ass kicked by some midgets or got jumped by a mob of Italians with footlong sticks of salami, then yeah...maybe a mother fucker would have a tad bit of sympathy for you. You did this to yourself homeboy and it's funnier than shit to be quite honest. Who walks around with a neck brace as if they're fucking paralyzed? Who? That's right, only bitches named Mike. So while you sit around depressed, feeling sorry for yourself, looks like everyone is moving on. Some advice next time you get in a fight: SELF INFLICTIING WOUNDS DON'T GET AN OUNCE OF SHIT...FROM ANYBODY. NOT EVEN A HI-FIVE, ASSHOLE. Quit being a goddamn pussy and go drink or something. If I have to see you act like a little bitch any longer, I might go drown myself in my goddamn pool.
Dr. Ronnie, therapist extraordinaire:
GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE RONNIE!!!!! The biggest headcase in the goddamn house is all of the sudden, Dr. Fucking Phil. Can't handle his alcohol. Sure as fucking hell can't handle a goddamn relationship let alone his roid rage temper...but now, he thinks he's the second coming of Mother fucking Theresa. Am I missing something here? Seriously? Who's playing a sick fucking joke on America right now? Oprah are you behind this shit? For fuck's sake, what in the mother fucking horse shit, cock sucking ass, is going on people?!
I've watched this show for 4 seasons. And each season I've come to the conclusion that two people need to be shot and thrown in the ocean: Ron-Ron and Sammie. "Crazy" isn't even the word to describe this mother fucker. Every time I see this guy, all I can do is say, "wow", take a shot of vodka then punch myself in the face. Why? Because this dude confuses the fuck out of me. True story.
But like every head case that is mentally unstable, Ronnie seems to think he is full of knowledge. He's the guy that's "been through it all". He's the guy that can all of the sudden, solve anybody's problems. Uhhh bro...stop this shit. Immediately. Fucking ass clown. How could anybody believe any fucking advice you give? You're the only guy that calls his girlfriend a "fucking cunt", throw her shit in a trash can then tells her you love her the next day like nothing ever happened. Now, you want to give advice to fucking people on depression and relationships? The only advice you should be giving anybody, is how to avoid domestic violence charges while being on anabolic steroids you fucking fuck. Stop trying to be some sort of goddamn savior. No one's trying to hear that fucking shit. If you think you're trying to fool someone, think again. You my friend, need to go fuck yourself. Dick.
Ronnie and Sammi talk it out...take 1,839,738:
FUCK THESE TWO FUCKING DEGENERATE BASTARDS. I HOPE THEY GET ATTACKED BY A HERD OF CATTLE AND GET SHIT ON BY MONKEYS.
Dear MTV, Stop fucking with America and kill these two mother fuckers already. Thanks, America
The only memorable thing that came out of the Ronnie and Sammi saga in this episode, was when Vinny was fed up with their bullshit, sat them both down and basically said, "Hey guys, we're in Italy trying to have a good time. Can you do everyone a favor and please shut the fuck up and stop this shit?! Either play nice or hang yourselves off the balcony? Thanks!" I mean, he didn't really say that but it was along the lines of what he wanted to say. So Ron-Ron and Fuck Face Sammi, for the Nth time...STOP THIS FUCKING SHIT. I'm about to ask my cable provider for a goddamn refund because watching you two mother fuckers is making me want to cancel MTV.
Snooki, Snooki, Snooki:
Snooki loves Jionni. Jionni is a fucking asshole. Snooki thinks Jionni is awesome. Jionni is a controlling prick who doesn't know sugar from shit. Snooki loves Jionni's big sausage. Did I mention Jionni is a fucking asshole? Snooki is in LOVE. Jionni might be gay. Just sayin'.
Three words to summarize Snooki and Jionni: STOP THIS SHIT.
Those who are awful in relationships think they have the best relationships. Funny how that shit works out, right? Sometimes this shit confuses the fuck out of me. Be on the lookout for some fireworks in the next few episodes with these two. What's a reality show without the drama, right?
So there you have it folks...that's the gist of Episode 6. I mean, there was other shit going on, but nothing worth writing about. Unless you wanted to hear how Deena still looks like a troll and wasn't fooled that her Pee-Wee Herman look-alike boy toy tried to talk his way out of the hickey that was on his neck. Who the fuck still gives out hickey's these days? Don't these people know that the best hickey's are in the form of blow jobs? Wait, what? Alrighty then...until next time...
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