What in the God forsaken mother fucking, goddamn horse shit, cock sucking ass clown, fuckety ball choking, cunt face sucker, ass FUCK?!
Is anyone else confused right now? Like seriously? Wait...am I being fucking Punk'd right now? Guys...what just happened? Oh snap, that's right...in this episode of domestic fucking violence:
When Worlds Collide:
It finally fucking happened. Fuck face Ronnie duked it out with Mr. "Snatch-uation". 3 years of build-up, multiple accusations, and a whole lotta bullshit. Folks, 40 punches were fucking thrown in this fight. 40. Guess what fucking happened? Not one...not one fucking punch landed from either guy. It was like watching two retarded blind kids with cerebral palsy going at it (that was harsh...but funny as fuck). However, the best part of the fight wasn't the fight itself, it was what landed prior to the fight. I like to call it, "The shot that woke up Italy": Mike's big ass T-Rex head into a goddamn cement wall. Result - KO. To him fucking self. You read that right people...this mother fucker knocked himself out...head butting a cement wall.
Who does that? Who hypes themselves up so much that right before a punch even gets thrown, does a Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka into a cement wall and knocks themselves out? Who? Fuck guys, I have met some stupid mother fuckers in my life, but that shit I just witnessed along with millions of viewers across America, was not only dumb, but quite frankly, the funniest shit I have ever seen in my goddamn life. Get the fuck outta here with that. You knocked yourself out, only to get back up, fight like a little ass bitch, then get carried out on a stretcher. One word: Wow. A cement wall fucked you up, son. Actually, you fucked yourself up.That shit is fucking comedy. And you are a complete fucking idiot. Good job jerkoff.
Ain't this some mother fucking shit:
Just when the dust settled between Ron-Ron and Mike, other shit went down. If you're wondering what, here's a Cliff's Notes version:
1) Sammi and Ronnie arguing. Again. About what? What does it matter...these two fucks need to be shot already. Fucking cunts.
2) Ronnie wanted to leave Italy. Why? Because he's a goddamn fucking pussy. Oh, and he hits like a bitch. All sad and shit about Sammi. Here's me...flipping you off and shaking my goddamn head. Pussy.
3) JWOW comes to save Ronnie. Wait, what? Yeah, the bitch played "Captain Save a Bro" by calming him down and rubbing his back. Shit looked intense. I was just waiting for Ronnie to rape her. I mean, ass fuck her. Wait...I mean, yeah...nothing.
4) "The Situation" felt "alienated". Hey Mike...go fuck yourself. I would alienate my friends too if they tried to head butt a cement fucking wall. Idiot.
5) Snooki's boyfriend was pissing her off because he doesn't like to talk about anything "sexual". Uh dude...you fucking serious right now? Where's your dick? Oh, that's right...you left it at your OBGYN...next to the KY when they were checking your fucking vagina. You are a sad sack of shit my friend. How do you spell Jionni? G-A-Y.
6) Pauly D about to thrown down with the homeboys from the "Streets of Florence". Hey, I don't know what the fuck "Che Cosa" means, but if you were to say that shit to me and do that throat cutting hand signal you did to Pauly...I would have kicked you in the fucking face, pulled down my pants and shit in your mouth, son. Che Cosa...Fucka You-a. Asshole. Ain't no mother fucker from Florence, Italy tough. What were you gonna do? Fight Pauly D with a goddamn baguette and homemade salami? Do yourself a favor Luigi and go fuck one of your homeboys in their mouth. Fuck you very much.
7) Sammi turns the tables. Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie...it was only a matter of time before you went soft and got ass fucked...FINALLY...by Sammi. How does her ass taste, bro? I was about to write a paragraph on how much I respect Sammi for doing that but if I did, everyone reading this would know I was lying. I hope these two get AIDS and die.
There it is folks, in black and white. Shit got fucking real this episode but at the end of the day, all was well and everything went back to normal. Who fucking knew, right? I still can't get over the fact that Mike knocked himself out. I laugh every time I see that shit. What a stupid fuck. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed the Episode 5 review and you guys go have angry sex right now. Just don't try to do any kind of fucking funny business where you knock yourselves out fucking with the headboard and shit. If you do, take pictures.
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