92% of Americans hate Monday's. Adults, children, college students, dead people...shit, even the mother fucking Pope hates Monday's. Why? Because it's the beginning of the goddamn week. It's the peanut butter without the jelly. It's the orgasm without the O-face. It's the goddamn slip n' slide without the water. It's fucking Monday people...the day where 92% of Ameri...fuck that...92% of the WORLD, wants the slap the shit out of somebody...for no fucking reason...AT ALL.
Look, I'm a morning person (kinda)...all day everyday. But on Monday's, I'm a "don't talk to me unless you want to get stabbed in the fucking eye with a #2 pencil" kind of person. I don't know why...I just am. It's as if God is playing a sick fucking joke on the majority of the world while he's up in heaven, getting a blow job and smoking a fatty cigar or something. Hey man, that shit's not cool and it ain't right.
The worst is when you have those chipper "high on life" mother fuckers that, no matter what, act as if everyday is Friday. Why so happy guy? Did you get laid this morning? Got an amazing bj? Maybe you ate some shit that cures "The Case of the Monday's"? Please tell me and the rest of the fucking world why you are so goddamn happy right now?! I'm dying to hear this shit.
The best are the questions that these chipper ass people love to ask: Hey dipshit, does it look like I wanna tell you about my weekend? No asshole, I don't want to try your grandma's burnt ass cookies. What am I doing for lunch later? Hmmm...probably telling you to go fuck yourself. I HATE MONDAY'S and right now, I really hate your ass.
It's a disease a majority of us can't get rid of. There's no cure for it other than alcohol. And who wants to drink heavily on a Monday just to feel like shit on a Tuesday? Wait...that doesn't sound too fucking bad, right? Anyway...
Why can't work weeks be three days with naps in between. Shit, if not naps...booze breaks. If not booze breaks, sex breaks. If not sex breaks, leave me the fuck alone for an hour, breaks. Can you tell I hate fucking Monday's?
"The Case of the Monday's"...I have them...real fucking bad. Don't act like you don't because if you didn't, you belong in the top 8% of fucking weird OR don't have a fucking job.
3 comments:
I have no mexican in me, but I've always thought we should switch over to their work ethics....a siesta every afternoon and then going back to work would be awesome.
This is fuckn great!
Flippin hilarious! I think I have found a new reading spot.
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