Dear Anonymous,I'm meeting my girlfriends parents for the first time and wanted to see if you had any good advice on the do's and don't's of making a good impression. Apparently my gf's mom likes me, but her dad, not so much. I've been dating her for six months now, and things are going great. Well, other than I'm 38 and she's 19. There's your answer as to why her dad doesn't like me. Any help with having this old guy get off my back would be appreciated. Keep up the great work with you and your team. Great laughs!
Regards,
Wanting to fit in
Dear Wanting to fit in,
What the fuck just happened right now?! You know what? Screw answering your question because we have bigger fish to fry jerkoff. Did you outright admit that the girl you're dating is 19 years younger than you? As in, the bitch just graduated high school? Freshman in college? Got a driver's license 3 years ago? Can barely buy a pack of smokes at 7-11? Dude, are you fucking shitting me?! For the love of fucking mother fuckers all over this goddamn country...you are basically dating your daughter (if you had kids...do you?).
I'm 30 years old and I love the fucking vagina. But there is no way in fucking hell that I, a horny male, would stoop to the level of fucking some 19 year old that I would have the balls to call my girlfriend. Ok, maybe if I was wasted at a college party I crashed, I would hook up with one, but that's besides the fucking point. You are 38. Like a grown ass mother fucker...dating a child. You're twice this broads age. How the hell did you two meet? Cosmic fucking bowling on a Friday night after a high school football game? For fuck's sake man, you're borderline pedophile.
Why is it that people who are clearly adults stoop to the level of dating someone young? And when I say young, I'm talking "kid" young. Don't give me some fucking bullshit about how "they get you" or "it's love at first sight". Fuck all that. What fucking kid who barely passed high school biology and watches Saturday morning cartoons "gets you"? And why aren't you trying to find someone your own goddamn age? What...do they not let 38 year old males in bars now? Did you forgot how to have intellectual conversations with females that actually have careers and don't work at Chuck E. fucking Cheese? Please provide me answers because I am still lost for words on how you, a grown ass man, is dating someone who still loves the Disney Channel?
I'm glad the dad hates you. Why? Because you're a sick fuck. I wish I was the dad, then I'd greet you with my foot up your ass and tea bag your fucking face. Maybe shit on the back of your head for good measure. Then tape your balls to your anus. Wait, what? I mean, what was I saying?
As for the mom, I don't know what the fuck to think. You must have lied to her. Told her that you were her college professor and are doing some sort of 6 month project on how "Teachers and students are the same, even though, extremely different in age. It's called Project: Age is just a number" or some fucking horse shit like that.
I know your type, man...you live in your parents basement, have no bills, drive a nice car, own a huge collection of porn. I really have nothing positive to say considering you're probably depressed because you have wrinkled balls, you haven't had sex since you were married 10 years ago and you masturbate to re-runs of the Golden Girls 5 times a day. What positive thing can any fucking human being say to someone that is not only dating a girl that's half his age, but is a goddamn kid? I bet she just got her braces off last fucking week, huh? Shit man, get your goddamn fucking shit together. Dump this nice piece of eye candy and date someone that is at least 10 years younger. Hell, date someone that can at least go buy fucking a six pack of Zima (do they still sell that shit?).
The only Do's and Don'ts I can help you with, is this:
Don't: Keep dating this iCarly mega fan.
Do: Go to an adult place, like a bar, and meet a bitch your age...even if she's haggered. I will give you 20 dollars to fuck something...anything...as long as it isn't 19.
Sorry I can't help you with anything more. The truth is, I don't help sick fucks. And you my friend are a sick fuck. Go seek some help, and try to find out that what's in your pants, bitches your age will like. This 19 year old you speak of, has probably never seen a penis...let her experience that shit with some college frat guy that will probably give her herpes or gonorrhea. Not with some guy that will make her feel like she's fucking her dad. See where I'm going with this, Papa Smurf? STOP.THIS.SHIT.
Shaking my goddamn head,
Anonymous
38 comments:
Lmao... Good shit!!!
Or, the other solution wait 30 years. The age difference won't be that bad when she's 49 and he's 68....
Fuck yes!!!! Finally a guy that is calling it as it is....right on, fuck yeah, look what we have here it's a real man that's willing to tell it like it is....as a woman, I can say this 30 something piece of shit obviously is a sicko predator that preys on little girls who don't know better, and probably bullies his aging mother or plays sicko head games with her too......since ya he obviously lives with her.
But ya know what, I'm 32 and I sure as hell wouldn't give this idiot the time of day...so he's prob gonna need that $20, Ghetto Genius.....idk how he's gnna get laid without it....
what is the problem? age ? envy? free country live way you wish to live too many judges self righteous bastards
Motherfucker. u belong in prison.
Call it how u see it say it how u mean it fuck them if they cant handle it
What if it was the other way around n she was 38 n he was 19? Would it still be n issue? If the young chick wants the old dude theres really nothin anything anyone can do about it... but talk shit! It will run its course n she'll leave him for a dude her own age! Hes dumb to think a "relationship" is really gonna work! My advice... DONT MEET THE PARENTS!! Cuz in a year you wont even be with the girl!
Ok here's the deal my guy is 20, I'm 44. You have offended me just a teensy bit.
Thats great shit.. ur gonna put a foot up his ass, tea bag the muthafucka then shit on the bk of his head! PRICELESS
Two words, Man Law. Look it up you sick ass bitch.
Watching a similar train wreck happening on FB with a 55 year old man and an 18 year old
Dairy Queen cake decorator. Good career plan for her: 20 years of staying cute, he kicks off, she inherits. She is actually younger than his children, who found out about the engagement from a change in FB relationship status.
Anonymous sounds like J-Wunder! Funny shit, and if you are offended I'm sure Chris Hansen will give you a feature story.
Lol I'm pretty lenient on the age issue, but she can't even buy alcohol! I'm 19 and I'd be scared shitless if an almost FORTY year-old wanted to date me!
Just awesome! Where were you when I was a 16 year old girl dating a 30 year old. A year and a half later I was a single mom and the 30 year old was no where in sight. I'm glad you tell it like it is. In one hand I wish I'd never met the fuck in the other the bastard gave me the greatest gift ever who will be 21 next month! That bastard has been homeless and regrets never being a father. My son doesn't want anything to do with him. When I turned 30 I looked at 16 year old's and thought how could the sick bastard do it. They are just kids. Still look at kids in their 20s and think no way in hell. Shit on that fuckers head yeah!
Crashing a college party at 30 is a bit rapey, squire. Not going to lie. :/
You should be...your 24 yrs older than him...you could have kids OLDER than him...something wrong when older men date much younger women...lots fucking worse when its a older woman with a much younger man...men mature slower than women...so what does that say about your maturity level? NO 20 yr old guy is ready for any kind of serious relationship...he's just happy he's got bragging rights to a Cougar...don't worry you'll be old news soon enough...pun intended! I mean really, do you think he'll still be as excited to be a 30 yr old with a soon to be senior citizen? I'm betting not. If you're going to be in a questionable relationship...people are going to say something...either be strong and figure out that will always be part of your relationship...or find someone that was at least in primary school your freshmen yr of college....
J-Wun, WTF bro?! Stop taking credit for my column dick. I mean, thanks for letting me write it, asshole.
I still can't get over, "the mom likes me"...really??? My 19yr old daughter brings home a boyfriend my age and I'm spilling lava hot coffee in his lap. ;)
My boyfriend is 16 years older than me, and I am 23.
But I'm a queer in northern Canada so everybody already thinks I'm a sick fuck, no worries there.
Fuckin ageists!! F-you! 19=adult, gimmie some goddamn 19 year old tang any day, gimmie anny goddamn tang!
This mofo should be neutered. Just sayin '... stay away from my gorgeous 21 yr old daughter! I don't mind going to prison to protect her!
Im 22 an my boyfriend is 34. Most of my family met or know him already, and they all love him.
I have a 19yr old daughter... I'd hate to think someone MY AGE would have the balls to show up at my house calling her his girlfriend. I have special skills for fucktards like him...I'm a master of GLOCK FU.
Zima, used to love that shit!
Fuck this guy. To all those offended, and all those sick fucks who defend him.. would you date your uncle? I didn't think so. Go J-Wun!!
I'm so happy someone told him how fucking sick that is!!! Get a girl your own age nasty old man!!
Question....my soon to be ex husband has left my kids and I for a 20 year old. He is 29. Am I wrong to think that this is too much of a difference? I mean, she's only 20. What could they possibly have to talk about besides juice boxes and the biebs?
And I felt bad being a 29 yr old female with a 21 yr old guy....
I am 29 and my s/o will be 22 in 3 days. Surprisingly we have a ton in common. We love water sports and both race sailboats... Similar backgrounds...it isnt as strange as you think. Other than he left his family for someone else, making him a douche.
Thank you! I guess it's just hard for me to get since I'm biased to the situation.
My parents were 25 years apart in age, he being older. My hubby is ten years older than me. Both successfully happy. Still I am not sure how I would feel if one of my little girls came home at 19 with a 38 year old man. I know my hubby would be pissed but I gather he would be just as pissed if the guy was a week older than her, the fact that he has a penis trumps age any day hahaha
Oh Judgie McJudgypants,
Let me throw you a hypothetical. Let's say you're a 38 year old man coming home to your 38 year old wife/girlfriend... and to your surprise you find that thru the miracle of science/elfin magic/fairy godmother/etc. your partner's body has reverted to the 19 year old version of itself: complete with perky boobs & taut, supple, blemish-free skin. You're telling me you'd turn that away? Naah... more likely you'd jump all over it and bust one off in like,2 mins. Why? Because HOT is HOT.
And at 19 years old it's also legal and consensual.
That doesn't mean that having a dating relationship with someone that young is a good idea. Smart money says that either the relationship has no real future, or a future in which the young chick ends up getting the short end of the stick.
I'm pretty sure she's seen a penis. Most girls Have been nailed by someone by the time they're 18
After my parents split my father got in a 14 year relationship with someone 9 years younger. 14 years later turns out she's one crazy bitch. But that has nothing to do with how I should pick my boyfriends. If my dad is a sicko doesn't mean that I have to follow in his foot steps. When I was 18 I slept with a 16 year old found out he lied about his age ad booted him out because I felt like a peodo. It doesn't work either way when an old bloke comes up to me and hits on me at a bar I'm not flattered im fucking grossed out. And I play along by asking how old they think I am 20 is the usual answer(23 actully) when they look like they could be 40 easily. It's just discusting!
So he's already left once... What makes you think he won't leave you in a few years for someone prettier and better. He's already got that rap!!!
The argument that "I wouldn't do it" is bullcrap. A lot of straight folks wouldnt f&ck someone of the same sex, but hopefully we are enlightened enough (well BIG assumption in the ghetto probably) that we don't give a crap if two consenting adults of the same sex wanna do it.
I think thou doth protest too much. The most verbal fronting guys here would nail that till their dick fell off.
Amen to that shit! I was 20 and he was 32 with 5 kids that he didn't take care of. It was a dumb partying situation and I got pregnant the first week with him. Yes partially my fault, but I wouldn't change shit because I have an amazing daughter and he has no contact with her! Thank god! I am 25 now and finally got my head out of my ass 2 years ago..18 might be legal, but anything under 21 just is not okay in my book
Teach me this GLOCK FU you speak of, wise master! Lmao!
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