Your List of Friends - Part 2

In Part 1, we got to see 5 types of friends that the average person hangs out with. Not sure what those 5 are, then your ass needs to catch the fuck up on what the hell I'm talking about. Here fuckers:

Your List of Friends - Part 1

Now that's out of the way, it's time to list a few more of types of friends that have us scratching our goddamn heads while we say to ourselves, "Where did I find these mother fuckers?!" Grab a cold beer because for the 1,462 time on this blog, you're about to be fucking amazed.

Richey Rich
You make good money, you have nice things, but this friend makes more money and has way nicer things. Did I mention they were a trust fund baby? That's right, they make you look like a poor sack of shit. It's cool though, because at least you're better looking then them and know how to change a goddamn flat tire, right? Eh, whatever...your ass is still fucking broke. Well, compared to Richey fucking Rich over here. Money is no object to these types of friends and well, it kinda pisses you off. Hard earned money is appreciated by you and blue collar society but for Donald fucking Trump over here, they have no fucking idea what that means. Lucky for you, ugly rich people need good looking people to hang with so they can be noticed. How this happens is beyond fucking me. 

Why he's an asset: If there is one good thing about a rich friend...money is no object. That's why, when you go out to a bar or club, guess who's buying? That's right, the rich mother fucker. See typically, normal people don't like rich people. Rich people only like other good looking rich people. So where does that leave ugly rich people? That leaves them hanging  out with normal people because in reality, they have to deal. And if they have to deal with "common-folk", then guess what? You're buying a lot of mother fuckers drinks and getting them fucking drunk. Oh, and if we want an appetizer to go with our big ass 24 ounce beer...your ass is gonna buy that too. Ugly rich people need friends...normal people need free shit. Taaaaa-da...friends forever!


The Stoner
You like weed but not as much as this friend likes weed. They smoke dope 5 times a day, 7 days a week. They work high, they eat high...hell, they fuck high. When they're not high, they aren't normal. 88% of the time you hang out with them, you would think they were sleeping or mentally fucking retarded. But it's cool though, because they are cool to be around. The stoner friend is the most laid back out of all your friends and loves to talk about shit no one gives a fuck about. Why is it, the stoner friend, when high, are always interested in talking about Plato, Socrates and reciting poems from Shakespeare? Always trying to philosophize about pointless shit and dead mother fuckers. One word: Gay.

Why he's an asset: Two words: Free weed. Other than that, they are fucking worthless. They don't make sense half the time and they think they are problem solvers. Yeah, maybe to fucking retarded 5th graders with lisps but, outside of that, the stoner friend are like those Facebook friends that you know but don't give a shit about unless you want something. Like a 20 sack of weed.


The Emotional Wreck
Every group of friends has one...the emotional wreck. This friend has their good days...and also bad days. This friend loves to give you shit but can't take your shit. When this friend gets mad, they want to kill somebody and all of the sudden, they start stabbing innocent people. When this friend gets sad, it's like someone died, when really, they just had really awful sex. Basically, these friends are ticking time bombs. You realize after 3 months of being friends with them, "what the fuck was I thinking...this mother fucker is crazy". Sucks to be you, right?

Why he's an asset: Need a good laugh? Well, here you go. As emotionally fucked up as these friends are, at least you get some entertainment value out of it. Whether it's watching them fight over a bar stool at the local watering hole to attempting to stab someone in the face with a spoon because they were called "lunch box", the emotional wreck will never disappoint. Make fun of them all you want because at the end of the day, they need you...you don't need them. Why would you? These mother fuckers are crazy and have probably watched you sleep a time or two.


Mr. Go-Getter
If you could bottle up this energy and sell it for 1 million dollars, you would. Mr. Go-Getter is the upbeat friend who never looks at anything negative. Always puts a smile on his face. Is always positive. The nicest and most annoying mother fucker you'll ever meet. Doesn't have an ounce of hatred in his soul and loves everybody. He never likes to judge others and always...ALWAYS...gives people a second chance. 

Why he's an asset: This dude gets bitches. I don't know how, but he does. He's a wingman without knowing he's a wingman. He makes "players" look mediocre, at best. If you're ever feeling down, this fucking guy will cheer you the fuck up. He's the one guy that will stop a fight where he knows 9 out of 10 times, you're about to get your ass kicked. The biggest asset of Mr. Go-Getter and most important...he's the only guy that doesn't mind being the Designated Driver. Why? Because apparently, "You don't need booze to have a good time" and "Being high on life is the greatest drug in the world". Get the fuck outta here with this "after school special" shit. Whatever floats your boat buddy...just drive our drunk asses to Denny's bitch!


The Funny Guy
Every group of friends needs one of these assholes. Seriously. The funny guy will not only make you piss your pants but he acts as some sort of odd and fucked up motivational speaker. He loves to drink, fuck chicks and not take life too seriously. Need to break the ice in an awkward setting? This dude is more than happy to blab out some inappropriate shit to clear the air. Trust me, it works like a charm (with a few disgusted faces and a possible call to the police, but whatever...bitches be hatin' sometimes). The funny guy has your back and is never short on calling out other friends. He makes the emotional wreck want to kill themselves (nice trade-off). Need funny? This is the asshole you need to know and love.

Why he's an asset: He's funny. What does funny translate to? Ass. Lots and lots of ass for you and your buddies. He takes the lead, you follow. He's the only guy that can awkwardly/jokingly ask a chick, "Wanna fuck?" and leave with them 10 minutes later. Need a drinking partner? Don't fret, the funny guy is always down for a good time. Like that bitch Deena, from the Jersey Shore stated, "I'm a party in a glass"...that's this dude. He's a mix between "The Wingman", "Mr. Go-Getter" and "The Drinking Buddy" which fits him nice considering he doesn't have a real important job or some crazy bitch to go home to at night. You can't go wrong with this guy. 10 out of 10 times...you'll be thanking him for being part of your life. Just don't try to hug him...doing that will make him flashback to the time his wiener was touched by Father Tim at Sunday Mass that one Easter Sunday.