I have a date tonight with some hot ass broad that stands 5'9" and has legs for days. My hope is to not only get her a little tipsy along with myself but, to have sex with her and that amazing 5'9" frame. It's our first date and I was thinking, "Maybe I should take her out to a nice dinner and show her a good time?" Then I thought, "Eh, it's the first fucking date, why would I do that?" So what's my solution in hopes to showing her a good time while offering a good ambiance and other shit?
Happy Hour.
You heard right...happy fucking hour. Why happy hour for a first date? Glad you asked.
1) Beer, wine or cocktails - $3-4. If you're lucky, you can add a shot of Jager for 2 more dollars. Get a chick to drink Jager and watch those panties drop by 8:30pm.
2) Good crowd. Who the fuck wants to sit somewhere quiet and feel all awkward? Shit, I don't. So why would I (a good looking man), take this hot bitch some place quiet where we (especially her) can't be seen? If you buy a Rolls Royce, are you gonna drive it in Timbuck Fucking Tu or Downtown where all the people be at, so you can get noticed? BOOYAH BITCH!
3) Bars are ice breakers. I don't know much, but what I do know is this: bars are great places to break the ice. When surrounded by people, a good vibe and tons of booze, you have outlets to strike up conversation. Don't want to talk about your past relationships? No worries...you can make fun of that dude who is 3 drinks in making out with that fat bitch who looks like she just got done eating a family size bag of Cheetoh's. Focus on what's around you then after 10-15 minutes, it's game time...you'll know each others family fucking tree by the end of the night.
4) Happy hour = Go time hour. You know what's awesome about happy hour? Getting drunk for cheap. You know what's even more awesome about happy hour? Taking a hot ass broad on a date, getting her wasted (for cheap) then taking her home and having drunk sex. No shame in my game people. See, any time you put "date" and "happy hour" together, expect two things: drinking and fucking. If you go into this date thinking: "drinks" and "appetizers", do me a favor and go ram your fucking head into a steel pole right this fucking minute. The CREW said it best when we said, "God hates a pussy"...don't be one fuck nut. Taking a date to happy hour gets you laid 77.875% of the time. Don't believe me, for your next date, go to happy hour, get a little perved and see if your dick doesn't get wet.
5) Happy hour keeps it simple. You know what chicks hate? When guys make big plans for a nice fancy dinner and bullshit, then end up fucking up the whole thing to only end the night with a shitty awkward hug and handshake. Do you want that? Then listen. I like happy hour at bars because chicks like booze and guys that can keep it simple and still show them a good time. Who gives a shit how nice the restaurant is, if they don't see any fun into what you're doing, consider yourself fuckless for another few weeks. Going to happy hour shows chicks: I dig you, but I'm not ready to go all out just yet. I'm fun, and I know you are too. I enjoy a good crowd and showing you off to people who can't stop staring at you. See where I'm going with this? Don't waste time making shit complicated. Hey, if taking them to happy hour backfires on you, guess what? You have 100 other drunk bitches to choose from at the bar where your date just left your ass. Buy them drinks, get them drunk and ta-dow...Mr. Denied is about to be Mr. Fuck City.
I'm 10 minutes late already. I had to text this chick to meet me there. Her response, "Ok, looking forward to having some drinks and getting to know you." Fucking aye right...this dude is getting some ass tonight.
You're welcome.
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