Liar, Liar...The Saga Continues...

Rule #172: When telling a good lie, ALWAYS make sure to keep it short, and to the point. Giving away too much detail will make others wonder what the fuck you're talking about and the urge to punch you in the fucking throat.

Rule #173: When telling a bad lie, make sure to over-exaggerate every goddamn detail to your story, so not only will you look like a complete fucking idiot but, make people realize, you beg for attention like a homeless person AND probably haven't gotten laid in over a decade.

What was once an over-exaggerated lie, has now turned into something bigger. With more bullshit drama than I have ever heard (from reliable sources) from the mouth of one lonely, toothless-wonder. Need a goddamn refresher on what I'm talking about? Check it here:

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

The lie was called out. The story was shared by hundreds (no exaggeration). The good word was spreading like an AIDS fucking epidemic. But to no avail, it wasn't fucking enough. It wasn't enough to shut up Stinky Pitts Magee. Wanna know why? Because bad liars don't give a fuck. Call them out, and watch them talk more shit then they can fucking handle. Which brings me to this...

As stated, it was obvious that word spread fast about Jackie Chan's Mexican, tire slashing niece and her two Power Ranger accomplices from a week ago. If you followed the story - this box-cutting, tire slasher, flew from the heavens on her fire breathing fucking dragon, Godzilla, and slashed all four of some broke ass bitches 26" spinners (valued at $1 million). Lucky for the scraggly ass victim, fingerprints were taken from the crime scene as well as raw footage of the tire slasher fleeing the area on a Lear Jet chartered by Mr. Facebook himself, Mark fucking Zuckerberg. This was the 3rd or 4th version of the story, I believe, but what difference does it make...a crime was committed. Pretty fucking amazing right? I mean, who wouldn't fucking believe that shit. Get the fuck outta here goddamnit!!!!

One lie after another, we fast forward to Wednesday during happy hour:

Skanky McSkanks tells a bar full of people the reason she didn't call the police (confused, right...yeah, me too mother fuckers) on the tire slashing bandit, was because she actually contacted the tire slashing bandits filty rich mother after the incident occurred. Apparently, after a back and forth conversation that resulted in threats of holding other people hostage and releasing numerous sex tapes to Wal-Mart, the tire slashers mother paid off the stinky toothless cunt in the sum of $3,000. This was mainly because she didn't have a check big enough to write 1 million dollars even though these tires are gold plated and detailed with Swarovski Crystals (please note: these tires were on the August 1982 issue of Low Rider Magazine...you know, when the magazine never fucking existed).

The tire slashers mother didn't want the police involved in this terrible crime. Hence a pay off of $3,000 with the final $997,000.00 due when tire slashers rich ass mom receives bigger checks to write more zero's. Oh, but don't tell anyone because there needs to be a goddamn press conference first at the Waterford Police Station (you know, so it can become "official"). True fucking story folks. I'm too fucking stupid to make up Disney Channel bullshit like this. But wait, it gets better...

Taint Goblin is recently suing the Black Power Ranger accomplice for defamation of character and slander. When word first broke out of this news, an English professor from Harvard had to decode the words "defamation" and "slander" because instead of this statement being written by Saggy Tits Magee, there was a picture that made absolutely no fucking sense (even to retarded people). Reference attached:

Look, I'm no Oxford scholar, but any person with 8 teeth (2 in front, 4 on bottom, 2 protruding from the roof of the mouth) who lives in a 1 bedroom shack (made of construction paper and Elmer's glue), who sleeps with 13 dogs, 6 cats and 3 monkeys...can't afford no goddamn legal fucking counsel. However, according to her and her publicist, she could get a public defender for free because her family owns the DA's office. Wait, what the fuck?! Don't public defenders represent the accused? Damn bitch, if you're gonna say something, at least Google the shit. But who am I to fucking talk. Word on the street is, Chode Spice claims to have went to law school while abroad, back in 1981 (she is only 25 now...but looks like a haggered 53 year old crack whore). Did I mention she was teleported back in time to get her Jurist Doctorate? Makes perfect fucking sense now. No worries, she can represent herself in court if all else fails.

Understand that this all could have ended days ago...but it didn't. It dragged on because some broad felt the need to get in the last word. For what? To become a blog sensation? Eh, not so much. Bad liars live in this world of fantasy. No one takes 24 hour trips to Italy. No one speaks three languages at the age of 2 weeks. No one meets Jay-Z at a gas station in Fresno, Ca only to perform fallacious acts on the rappers dong, while Beyonce sings "All the single ladies" in the front of an "80 person" Hummer limo. Don't look at me for answers...I'm just the guy behind the fucking guy.

What's next on Liar Liar's agenda? Whatever it is, you're gonna be the first to hear it right here. That's one promise you can bet on.

Time to go stir up some shit...