Dear The RINGER,Recently, I asked my girlfriend if she would be down for a threesome. Surprisingly, she said yes. The only request she had in return was, if we have a threesome with another girl, then she wants to have another threesome with me, and another dude. WTF?! I don't know how to respond because I'm so pissed. How do I get what I want without having to give her what she wants? Is that wrong? I didn't see this coming so it caught me off guard. Appreciate the chalk talk.
Best,
Not a sword fighter
Dear Not a sword fighter,
This was probably the best and worst news you could have heard from your freaky ass girlfriend. Since I am known to be a complete fucking dick, I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. Believe it or not, I, The RINGER, was in a relationship that was dealt this same exact situation about 3 years ago. So the advice I am going to give you, will be based on the situation that actually played out for me.
There are two truths that you need to know about threesome's with your girlfriend:
Truth #1:
If she says "yes" to your request, it's because 1) She's a damn freak, 2) She likes to experiment, 3) She thinks women are sexy, 4) She wants to please you, 5) This isn't her first rodeo hooking up with other chicks.
Congrats on your dream coming true my friend. First things first...who's the lucky bitch that's gonna get in on this action? A stranger? Your girls best friend? Your best friends sister? A 4th cousin (these aren't really family members if they're hot as hell) maybe? Fuck, you know what...it doesn't matter. What matters is, what you have longed for, you're finally gonna get. You, two hot bitches and a whole lot of ground and pound...on THAT ASS!!!! I want to warn you though, when you get two chicks together, shit gets crazy. Think about it...one dick, two vagina's and four titties? That's a lot of sexual shit going on at once, dude. But hey, I'm sure you'll wear these bitches down like Ali in a 12-round fight against Foreman. But enough with the boxing comparisons, we're talking about sex here...
Truth #2:
If your girlfriend asks to have a threesome but with you and another dude, your time has eventually come to an end. FACT: 85% of women who have threesomes with their man, another woman is involved. FACT: 10% of women who have threesomes with their man along with another guy, end up fucking the "other guy" from that moment forward...FOREVER. FACT: 5% of women who have threesomes with their man, and another guy, have to break-up an all-out brawl during the "fuck session" because "Eduardo" made your girl cum 10 times more than your dick could allow.
FACT: You have a threesome with your girl and another dude, say bye-bye to: 1) Your relationship, 2) Your manhood, 3) Your Ego (because you were convinced you thought your dick was humungo), 4) Your sexuality (lets be real, if you have a moment where your dicks touch, I guarantee you will think about being gay), 5) Your idea of ever having a threesome again.
I know this is not what you wanted to hear buddy, but, unless you're doing gangbang porn, having threesomes with another dude is like having a chick wear a white dress to a friends wedding...YOU DON'T DO IT. However, if your cock is 8 inches long, and you are fully confident you fuck like Lexington Steele, then by all means, do whatever the fuck you want. But the way your email sounded, your dick probably isn't even 4 inches (hard). Recognize that even though chicks may hate on chicks, when it comes down to two guys in a threesome, there's a fine line with how that stuffs gonna turn out. I can fuck with the best of them, but the thought of some dude making my girl scream like she's being murdered, scares the living fuck out of me. You know what I'm saying? Who would want that, right? Not me...and most definitely not you.
With all this being said, what do you do now? It's simple. Do what I did. Agree to her request but make sure your threesome happens first. And when it's time for her request to become reality, dump the bitch. Problem solved. You can thank me later.
My Dick Don't Touch Anything But the Vag,
The RINGER
18 comments:
Problem solved! Love it...it was perfect advice, as always. <3
Never ever ever ever do the two guys, one girl setup. She wants to bring in the new guy because she's only so interested in you now. And she'll probably dump you for the other guy any way. Trust me, I know this.
~KB
Lol! Love this.... Coz none of that insecure shit is allowed in OUR heads!!
Mmmm Lexington Steele..
2guys1girl random hook ups are fine (if ur into that) but 1bf1gf1extra guy...no good. Multiple women and 1 man...good fucking night.
If she wants to do 2 guys, know that she is auditioning your replacement. Bang her out with a hot friend, then dump her for the hot friend. The 3some precedent will already have been set for the new one, with the ground rules of 2 chicks 1 guy, and you are rid of the whore before she fucks you over. No loose ends....
If she wants to do 2 guys, know that she is auditioning your replacement. Bang her out with a hot friend, then dump her for the hot friend. The 3some precedent will already have been set for the new one, with the ground rules of 2 chicks 1 guy, and you are rid of the whore before she fucks you over. No loose ends....
Sounds like ur both auditioning for replacements just bump each other already. BTW if she's smart she'll make you do the 2guys 1 girl first then dump ur ass bc u aren't worth it.
PFFFT fuck that noise of the MMF 3some being bad. Chumps can't handle it and don't need to do it. You lay the pipe right to your woman and aren't afraid someone might see your tallywhacker, you are good. I know several guys who have pulled it off and didn't worry about leaving him.
Now a jealous woman...damn, you are fucked
Just a little heads up bringing other people in your bedroom is not a good idea cuz somewhere down the line someone is going to cheat it never works out just saying
"I can fuck with the best of them, but the thought of some dude making my girl scream like she's being murdered, scares the living fuck out of me. You know what I'm saying? Who would want that, right?"
This is the same reason women don't want to have a threesome with their man involved. We don't want to watch him please another woman, nor do we want to see another woman pleasing him. Too many emotions involved!
I disagree. I have done 2girls one guy, but not 2 guys n me but let me tell you this. there is no man that could ever fuck me better than my man does. we split up for years and have been together on n off for the last year and things have only gotten better. there is not a cock on the planet that could replace his. I am not sure we would ever do that kind of 3some, but there is no fear in either of us. bring on the bitches all day long anyway, they don't have shit on me.
Man everyone seems afraid to have fun I've done both a mmf and a ffm had fun and got fucked to many men are homephobes too many woman are jealous woman are sexy pick one you like make her cum Once you'll like girls ;)
WTF?! I don't know how to respond because I'm so pissed. - Wahhhh!! You asked! Dont be a greedy fucker!
My chick told me we could add a chick on 2 conditions. #1)All of us would be in bed fucking and sucking etc... but I couldn't touch the chick. She would be there only for her to pleasure. #2) We'd have to do the same with a dude in the bed that she couldn't touch that would be there for me to pleasure. My response: "Sounds fair. I'll start looking for a dude to add, you start looking for a chick". I said that with a straight face. Neither of us has mentioned it since...
It's gotta go down at third party location so the happy couple doesn't have to burn their bed afterwards
Okay, this is HORRIBLE advice. Please don't take it except as a joke. *shakes her head* If a female wants to have sex with two men it is only fair. If you are comfortable with your relationship and your sexuality then you should have no issue. If you do, then you should probably reanalyze yourself (given that you should have the brain capacity to do so) and decide if a relationship with this girl is actually something you want. If it isn't there are plenty of chicks out there looking to just hook up. I had had threesomes with both one guy and another girl and two guys (the same guy wasn't in both scenarios.) I also look forward to further threesomes and moresomes with other girls and guys. My Man is straight as an arrow but comfortable enough with himself to be naked around another man and knows how to please a woman (and multiple women.) Honestly, most men can't even please one woman, let alone two, so if you aren't able to give your girl and orgasm, don't even TRY a threesome unless you wanna learn how to do shit right. (Trust me, most girls lie about how good the sex is with their man to the man. Sad but true because men's egos just can't handle the truth.)
So yeah...there you go.
I need to fix something. When I say this is HORRIBLE advice, I am talking about The Ghetto Genius's advice, which I can only assume is a joke. My advice is from that of a woman who is knowledgeable in the truths of sex.
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