Statistics About Facebook

America is addicted people. Deny it all you want mother fuckers, the truth is, America LOVES fucking FACEBOOK. It's bigger than that piece of shit Social Network they call "Friendster". And it stomped on the ex-giant MySpace. Well, prostitutes and wannabe DJ's still use MySpace, so at least that shit is good for something, right?

I'm here to let the world know that the #1 Social Network has done something that no other Social Network has done. That is - TAKEN OVER OUR LIVES. In every fucking way! And if it doesn't now...it use to (but be honest, you're still addicted). So today, I'm gonna give you the Statistics about Facebook and what it has done to folks like yourself and the rest of America. 100% of what you're about to read is true. I'm all about numbers and percentages. Grab some coffee, a condom or some dental dam because you're about to feel something good in your pants.

Check it...

- 90% of users check Facebook when they wake up first thing in the morning. It could be 3am and no matter what, they will check Facebook. Kinda like waking up next to a stranger and attempting to have sex with them. Not sure how that made sense but sounds about right.

- Car accidents are up 32.8%. Who drives while not checking Facebook, right? Time to update our status with, "Fuck this traffic blows." 5 minutes later, "Fuck, just got rear-ended by some asshole not paying attention."

- Posting frequency goes up 44.8% on weekdays. When drinking is involved, they make 38% less sense.

- 19% posts cryptic messages that call for attention. 82% don't care while 10% respond with, "You're in my thoughts." Fuck your thoughts. Asshole.

- Stalking is at 64%. This includes men/women that have liked you since the 3rd grade.

- Reports of stalkers - 0%. This is why mother fuckers get murdered. Craigslist Killer, meet Facebook.

- 73% don't know half their friends.

- 23% have never met their "friends".

- 52% posts shit just to make people jealous.  "Look at me now, look what I’m doing, look where I live, look what I can do!" 12% of the people that hate these people, will have sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

- 33.56% of the old popular kids look like shit now. Ain't so bad now, huh, you ugly fuck.

- Guys are tapping ass 23% quicker because FB convo's are substituting as "dates".

- House burglaries are up 19%. Shouldn't have been "checking-in" everywhere asshole.

- Cheating is up 38.7%. Shouldn't have been "checking-in" everywhere asshole.

- Family reunions are happening 12% less. Everyone's fucking tired of each other on Facebook and already knows that "Candy" is a huge fucking slut.

- 31.22% think just because they are in the bathroom getting ready for the club, they have the right to take a self-pic and post it as their profile. This includes very ugly fat people.

- Match.com subscriptions are down 28%. Instead, you just look through your buddies friend list.

- Work productivity is down 48%. Facebook traffic is up 48%.

- Calling into work is down 11%. All your co-workers know you were out fucking drinking the night before from your 14 "check-ins", so you don't call in. You either just show up fucking drunk, show up missing or play dead.

Numbers don't lie. Neither do I. Big shout out to T (my statistician) for helping out. Spread the word and keep these numbers rising.