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| I promise to bone you, cheat on you, then leave you in 7 years... |
Tell me, how does half of America stay up to watch two mother fuckers that they will never meet, get married and act as if it's the greatest thing they have ever experienced in life? You mother fuckers need to either A) Find a goddamn hobby, B) Get a real job or C) Get fucking laid...immediately. I took a look at my Facebook News Feed this morning and the shit was flooded with posts from people that actually stayed up watching this shit. All commenting on how beautiful the ceremony was and how this person looked great in this, and that person looked amazing in that. News flash assholes, these mother fuckers are RICH! What? Did you honestly think this wedding was gonna be a complete fucking fail? A goodamn Prince is marrying some hot ass slut for fucks sake, people. This wedding wasn't going to be like your cousins trailer trash wedding that was held at the local fucking park...where half the guests didn't have any teeth and thought it would be a grand fucking idea to bring their own bottle of Hennessy to the party. Royalty doesn't roll like that. Mother fuckers wear shit that 95% of us can't afford and talk with accents that not even Chinese people could comprehend.
I mean, did you really need to drink the Kool-Aid and get pulled into this bullshit? Wait, lemme guess...you wanted to see what a TRUE fairytale wedding looked like, right? Well there you go. You got to see it. For 4 hours. Now what? Are you gonna walk around drinking goddamn tea and eating fucking crumpets for breakfast? Start talking like you can't pronounce syllables? Maybe model off those fucked up looking hats that people only wear at the Kentucky Derby everyday, so others can comment on how fucked up that flying saucer looks on your small ass head? Does that sound about right? Don't forget to make sure every person that runs into you from now on, will need to bow and prance around like a little bitch until you mutter those amazing words, "Good day, you may carry-on." Sounds pretty fucking dreamy to me.
Look folks, don't get shit twisted and live in a world that is a goddamn long shot. Don't say to yourself, "I want a dress like that. It's soooo beautiful!" Sorry to be the one to give you the awful news but, there can only be one dress that is made out of berry leaves, crystals and diamonds...and that slut Princess Kate, is wearing it. So all these dreams and fantasies of what you want by watching this bullshit, ain't gonna happen. Maybe you should think about a theme wedding, where mother fuckers dress up like Princess Jasmine, Aladdin and other make-believe Disney characters. Live in that reality. But this? Nah, don't think twice about it people. You staying up all late with your buttery ass popcorn and diet coke was a waste of your time, sleep and dreams.
G'day,
Lord J-Wunder, Duke of Go Fuck Yourself and BBQ Ribs
P.S. Kate has got to be a slut and is definitely in it for the money. Ain't no bitch that fine marry a dude that ugly because "he's a good guy." You're clever bitch...really fucking clever.
3 comments:
LMAO I was thinking pretty much the same shit, can't wait til all this damn royal shit hype is over. then I couldn't sleep, which is every night now, and saw some ridiculous hats and got some laughs at least. Especially the one whose hair was blown back like she just came out from a session with her Trojan personal touch vibrator! then when it started, sleepy time came! woo frickin hoo
That's cold-blooded, J. Haha!
For reals!! I told G the same thing! How does someone that beautiful end up with someone not so beautiful?!?!
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