"3 Rules" Just Got Fucking REAL!

"3 Rules". Remember that column? To refresh your memory, here it is:

3 Rules

Did the situation come to a resolution? Well, it all depends on who you ask. Just know that having some final words are always important and usually put a statement and closure on "what the fuck is really going on". The very J-Wunder fan who emailed me to write this column, decided to give me an update on the bitch who she wanted to shank on their "mini-vacay". Oh, just so you know, this was probably THE best and FUNNIEST shit I have read from a fan (well, besides the dad who posted his dick on Facebook). Especially coming from a woman that I know wasn't fucking lying! Enjoy it and whatever you do, don't piss this chick off. She will do some shit serial killers aren't brave enough to do. She's Mexican, don't act surprised.

"OK so while in Katy we stayed with my friends, my hubby happens to be Godfather to one of their children so I made a deal with this bitch, that we could hang out during the day but in the evening I wanted to be back at the house to spend time with the family. She said deal. So we go to dinner one night with one of my old HS friends, and this bitch mentions that she wants some frozen yogurt. So of course, my HS friend says hey, there is a sweet berry in The Woodlands Mall, which is about 45 minutes north of Katy, now mind you it's about 8:00 pm by this point, but this bitch wanted yogurt so we go to the place. However, there is no parking, so this bitch wants to double park and have me wait in the car. I tell her that I dont feel comfortable doing that (mind you we were going to that mall the next day). Well, she proceeds to take off her seat belt and open the car door saying, "It will be fine. If a cop comes, just drive off and swing back to get me." I then say, "What the fuck did you not understand? I do not want to sit in the double parked car while you grab a fucking yogurt." She then looks at me like I was crazy and says, "I dont know what the big deal is, everyone does it."

Now remember this bitch is from Connecticut, and lives close to NYC and everyone THERE does it. So I respond by saying, "Maybe the people you hang out with do it, but the people I hang out with dont! Dont you know what the fuck my husband does for a living???" (by this point she has now put back on her seatbelt and starts to drive off). She says, "Stop yelling at me." So I respond like I am talking to my 14 year old and say, "I am not yelling, this is my voice raised, yes, but this isn't fucking yelling." She then tells me that it would not hurt me to be nice everyonce in awhile, and how would I talk to one of my clients (now again...she is staying at MY friends house, and when that bitches credit card was declined I paid for our hotel room). So then, I told her that I didnt realize I was in a therapy and she was a client. She then says to me, "You like to have things your way, everything has to be your way."

Now Jay...this is where I fucking lose it! And now I begin the YELLING phase and say, "YOU ARE RIGHT, I DO LIKE THINGS MY FUCKING WAY, AND IT WORKS OUT PRETTY FUCKING GOOD FOR ME. I MEAN SERIOUSLY LOOK AT YOURSELF, DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING YOGURT RIGHT NOW BITCH?! NO YOU DON'T! NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND KEEP DRIVING!" She was quiet after that. I took that shit back old school, I went from living on Penitencia Dr., to fucking King and Story on her ass, I raised my pimp hand strong that night! And now she wonders why I defriended her on Facebook...like really?"

The moral of the story: pay attention to "3 Rules". Oh, and don't try to double park with this fucking bitch in the car. You won't get the yogurt you wanted...