Charlie Sheen - Half Man, Half Amazing

So here we are. Another day. Another Charlie Sheen interview...in less than 48 hours to be exact. Some think I'm fucking crazy to think that this guy is amazingly AWESOME. But here's the reality...he just is. Not because I say he is, but because America seems to agree with me. How do I know? Well considering he just started a goddamn Twitter account on the 1st of this month and has racked up more followers than Lakers Legend, Magic Johnson, before posting a single tweet...yeah, I would say the fucking guy is pretty goddamn popular. So popular, that in less than 24 hours, he has already accumulated 791,719 followers and 11 tweets total. Now you tell me, what's not to love? You're fucking welcome.

Look guys, is Charlie Sheen a fucking coke head? No doubt. Does he live on the edge of fucking life? What the fuck do you think...the mother fucker drank, fucked and snorted mountains of blow for 48 straight hours. Has it fucked with his brain? Are Warlock's fucking real jack ass? Next question. Has he ruined his career? In all honesty...NO FUCKING WAY. If anything, the man who's birth name is Carlos Estevez, is rising to the T-O-P.

Here's a taste as to WHY:

"Last time I took drugs, I probably took more than anybody could survive...I was banging 7 gram rocks and finishing them because that's how I roll...I have one speed, I have one gear - GO!"

"I'm proud of what I created. It was radical...I exposed people to magic. I exposed them to something they're never going to see in their boring, normal lives."

"I mean, what's not to love? Especially when you see how I party, man...it was EPIC. The run I was on, made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them...just look like droopy-eyed, armless children."

"IT'S.ON."

These were the exact words from the man who was born "dead" and declared himself a "floppy baby" at birth. At age 11, he was smoking Mary Jane and probably finger banging her too. At age 15, he stole his pops fucking credit card to buy a hooker so he could pop his cherry. If you wanna know how it all started, read this paragraph again people. I don't need to remind everyone of the Charlie Sheen wrap sheet. Plain and simple, this mother fucker can party and has no shame admitting it. It's in his blood. And if that wasn't enough, the dude loves bitches and he loves fucking. Let me rephrase that, he loves porn stars and the shit he can do TO them, and WITH them. Any questions?

Put his 3 divorces and more importantly, his 5 kids aside for a second...

Realize that Charlie Sheen is such a bad fucking dude, that he single handedly will be responsible for CBS and Warner Bros. losing 1/4 of a BILLION DOLLARS for the cancellation of his hit show "Two and A Half Men" (or as I like to call it, "Two and a Half, Who Watches This Shit"). Does anyone know what the fuck $250,000,000 looks like? Anyone? One man. One star. One show. Buh-bye. That's how cold-blooded he is. Sure the creator was offended by Mr. Sheen's tirades on radio and television interviews...but who gives a shit? The guy was so high on his Warlock fucking powder that everyone was getting paid. Do you think for one fucking second that America was wondering if "Charlie Sheen was high" at any point this fucking season? Shit no, man. All they wanted to do was get their laugh on at 8pm, then fuck their spouse before the clock strikes 10. No need to tell me some shit I'm not trying to hear, because the fact of the matter is, if everyone would have not made his 48 hour "Too Charlie for the Party" Binge Fest a big goddamn deal, guess what? All you mother fuckers that watch CBS would be laughing every Tuesday night, enjoying the Magical Warlock and that woman of a man, John Cryer, do work.

This much attention and publicity has done only one thing for Charlie Sheen...and that's make him rise to the very fucking top. Do you know, if CBS and Warner Bros. said, "Fuck it, lets bring him back and shoot the final 4 episodes," what that would do? Two things: 1) Get 300 million MORE viewers. 2) Get EVERYONE on the set paid twice as much. Yeah, you might think I'm so full of shit, but why on every tv channel, radio station, Facebook and MySpace (yes, Myspace assholes) News Feed, and Twitter update, are there updates/news on Charlie Sheen? Good or bad, he's the new drug. That's how bad this fucking dude is. The world has basically said, "Fuck what's going on in Egypt. Fuck that I have to pay $10/gallon for gas. I want me some more mother fucking Charlie Sheen. He's funny, crazy and totally awesome." Sad? To some. Awesome to others. And to those that are sick of hearing about it, the solution is simple...stop fucking reading about it. Your bitchfest tirades about how you hate Charlie Sheen, doesn't stop the news from coming in ass clown. 

This master Warlock has done something no other celebrity has accomplished. That is...being loved for being Charlie Sheen. For being a goddamn drug addict. Alcoholic. Porn Star fucker. What celeb do you know has sat down in numerous interviews in a 48 hour span, and basically told the world, "It's on. I'm a rockstar. Now lets go party. Oh, and if you don't like it, go fuck yourself"? NOBODY. No one would dare say the crazy fucking shit he's been blurbing out the past two damn days. That's a P.R. nightmare, for fuck's sake. With that being said, check this out for a second...

Remember when Brit-Brit (Britney Spears for you fuckers out of the loop), pulled that crazy shit? You know, shaved her goddamn head like G.I. Jane, locked herself in a room, beat a car up with an umbrella and went a little koo-koo? Yeah, that time. You know what America did? They rode her off. They said, "This bitch is fucking crazy and needs help. I'll never buy another album from her again. Nor will I watch the only 3 episodes from her reality show "Chaotic" on UPN." One "major incident" ruined this fucking girls life. And do you know what she had to do to get America back on her side? She did interview after interview, talking about shit that you and I both know was scripted by her publicist, just so she didn't fuck things up. It was her job to right the wrong. Look like she finally has her shit together. It took her years before America embraced her with open arms again, people. Charlie Sheen however, did just the fucking opposite.

He kept partying. He kept boozing. He kept on fucking. But he was honest. Flat out honest with no fucking filter holding him back. No publicist to coach him through shit. Matter of fact, his publicist actually quit the morning of his 20/20 interview. Surprised? You shouldn't be. Realize that America isn't fucking stupid. We all know the guy is fucked up on some shit. But fucked up or not, he let the world know that he doesn't give two shits what anyone thinks. He answered every question that came his way. Was he answering, truthfully? If you think Warlocks exist and "Bi-Winning" is a disorder, then shit...sure. Charlie Sheen is Charlie Sheen. A celebrity that started his career as a rockstar and is determined to end it like one...whether you agree with him or not.

Call him a douche, asshole, idiot...whatever. Just know the show he starred in, will never be the same if he doesn't come back. Hell, the show may never come back. PERIOD. Not many celebs run shit on a sitcom like he does (maybe Dave Chappelle but look what happened to that shit. FAIL. Miss you Dave.) Sure you can replace him, but how does someone try to act like the guy who was acting like himself? Think about that. Charlie Sheen is AWESOME. In more ways than one. I've never seen so many people love a guy that has done "so wrong". To be honest, I have no clue how that's fucking possible and accepted by society. The mother fucker is doing something right, obviously. I ain't gonna lie, I like the dude. But don't judge me for it.  

Carlos "Charlie Sheen" Estevez and The Silver Valley Lodge. Where mother fuckers keep it real. And yeah, people are normal. Ok, not really, but for fuck's sake, lets just say they are. Love him or hate him, he's one guy no one will ever forget. Here's to WINNING, AWESOMENESS, and MAGICAL POWERS.