"Where you been J-Wunder?"

I know, I know. You're all asking, "Where the fuck have you been all day J-Wunder?  A mother fucker needs a good laugh fool."  Yeah, me too assholes.

I've been busy guys.  Working harder than a mother fucker today.  So hard that I need a goddamn drink and some fucking chips or something.  I had to put the blog to the side for a few hours so I could actually get some shit done.  On top of that, I had to go see my shrink (every Thursday), to make sure I found my inner chi for the day, so I don't go throwing sonsofbitches out the goddamn window at two in the afternoon.    

I would love to blog all hours of the fucking day.  Make you guys laugh, cry, piss and shit yourself.  And don't worry, I always plan to.  But today, I just had to work harder than a mother fucker.  It was as if a crazy bitch put a restraining order on me or something.  I don't mean that literally, the example just sounded fucking funny.  I'm really not sure that example made any fucking sense either.  I kinda just work with what comes to mind you know?  Anyway...me not posting something for this many hours makes me feel naked.  Not completely naked because I would at least be wearing some hi-tops, a sock around my dong and a gold chain from the Dollar Tree.  That type of naked.   

I just knew that I had to post something ASAP because as soon as I logged onto Facebook, all I saw were either angry ass fucking women posting some bullshit that no one cares about, or some jackass posting something about the weather in goddamn Minnesota...where my ass doesn't fucking live.  Who the fuck wants to read that shit?  Why don't I just go down to the fucking basement and hang myself?  Hey, we may not all have the same mutual friends, but you can't tell me for one fucking second that the shit they post on their FB is actually worth reading.  Ok, maybe 20% of it is, but the other 80% is a crock of donkey shit.  If I have offended any of my friends, by all means, the Unfriend button is right there.  Click it and good riddance.  I mean, when's the last time we spoke?  2nd fucking grade?  I'm kinda kidding, but not really.   

How was everyone's day today?  Was it busy as shit like mine?  Or were some of you mother fuckers so bored that you ended up conquering goddamn Farmville on FB?  Please don't answer that.  If you do, I might go hire an assassin to find you, and fucking kill you, by horse-cock-injection to the mouth.  Please note - If any of you feel the desire to use this line, please feel free.  My words are your words people.

I know this blog post isn't funny or as good as the latest pic of that fat kid holding his clarinet in his marching band uniform.  But shit, I need a break sometimes people.  The inner me needs to feel the funny.  I'm not saying I'm not funny all the time because I'm goddamn hilarious.  Put me in a room with the most socially awkward person and within ten fucking minutes, that person will be fucking drunk, horny and willing to fuck a tree branch.  What can I say, when you got it, you got it.


Tomorrow will be a new fucking day and I promise to make you all laugh.  In the meantime, take a look at who I found on BART yesterday, on my way home.  Dick fucking Tracy.