"I have one speed...it's called - GO!"
"I am on a drug...it's called, Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it once, you will die...your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. Um, too much?"
Words from the man himself, Charlie Sheen, in his first on-air, television interview with ABC, which plans to air this Tuesday, at 10pm EST. When I saw this preview while watching the boring ass Academy Awards, I said one thing...AWESOME!
The man who we all know and love as Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn, is about to let the world know, that he's no fucking joke and shit's about to get fucking REAL folks. I don't think I've ever been more excited in my life. I mean, here is a guy that took a night of partying way too fucking far for America to accept and will more than likely, boost his coolness ratings up by at least 20% more. Who the fuck has the ability to do that? Brett Michaels? Fuck no. You know why? Because Brett Michaels is a fucking twat and should get his ass kicked for being a washed up rockstar. Hey Brett, the 80's called, they want their hair back ass clown.
The only person in America that could get away with that is Charlie mother fucking Sheen. Matter of fact, since he went on that 48 hour "Too Charlie For the Party" binge fest, the dudes popularity grew an astounding 60% or some crazy bullshit like that. What the fuck?! Yeah, what the fuck is exactly right, people. Only awesome people like that could pull off those miraculous fucking statistics.
Oh, and if it didn't get any better...apparently, Mr. Sheen, is 100% off the dope, but after looking at this mother fucker on tv last night (and a quick clip this morning), I would say that the drugs are telling him to tell America he stopped doing blow. See, to some of you, that might not make any fucking sense. But to drug addicts, that shit makes perfect sense. Let me shoot you some quotes on why Charlie Sheen is the MAN. Call him whatever you want, but after listening to these quotes from his interview on the Today Show this morning, you'll understand why he's so fucking awesome...and well, fucking crazy.
"I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special...Like I'm not a bitchin' rockstar from Mars!"
"I have tigers blood and adonis DNA." (I have no fucking clue how much blow and vodka this mother fucker consumed before he said this. I don't even know what this shit means. All I know is that it's fucking AWESOME!)
"Defeat is not an option. CBS picked a fight with a Warlock."
"Come Wednesday morning, they're going to rename it Charlie Bros., and not Warner Bros."
On if he suffers from bi-polar disorder:
"What does that mean?...I'm bi-winning."
On how he can do so many drugs:
"Because I'm ME!"
On how he doesn't O.D.:
"No, that's for amateurs. Come on."
On drugs he won't try:
"Cause, I mean, that's how people go down. It's like, hey, dude, you should have read the directions before you showed up to the party."
Charlie Sheen. The ADDICT. The MAN. The ROCKSTAR.
Who really gives a shit what people think. It's all about winning, right Chuck? Duh. Winning.
Tune in tomorrow night on ABC to see his awesome and crazy interview. If it was anything like the one on the Today Show this morning, man...mother fuckers better be ready.
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