"What the fuck is with...The Shake Weight??"

"What the fuck is with...??"


The Shake Weight.  Do you think that can really get you as big as those guys you see on the infomercials?  Please enlighten me Mr. Wunder.
 

J-Wunder Insight:

The Shake Weight?  The fucking Shake Weight?!  Hey man, how on fucking earth did some dip shit create something that looks like a double headed dildo and actually convince people it works?!  I mean, for the love of fucking God.  Let me break some real and honest shit down for you...

If you want to know what "dynamic inertia"fucking feels like, here's what you do.  Pop in Jenna Jameson's greatest gang bangs, pull down your pants, lube up your cock and jack off so fast that you feel like you just took 8 hits of speed.  By doing this, not only will you feel the fucking burn in your forearm, shoulder and bicep, but wrist as well.  Depending on what hand is your dominant hand, go ahead and switch that shit up and do the other side.  I mean, you don't want to be walking around with one side big and buff and fuck while the other side looks like it has been paralyzed for years and got not action on your cock, right?  Don't discriminate, make both arms look great.

What men don't understand is that the shake weight has been attached to them for years.  I discovered the shake weight when I was 15 and was in my buddies bathroom.  Butt naked.  Holding a tub of Vaseline and a large Pepsi cup.  Staring at myself in the mirror.  Don't ask.

Since that day, I have had the strongest arms known to goddamn man.  I can curl Mini fucking Coopers like nobody's business.  I can do 1,000 pull-ups in 60 seconds.  I can do push-up with just my dick.  It's seriously fucking amazing.  You should try this secret that isn't really a secret, but a gift.  Fuck that bullshit double headed looking ass dildo you see on television at 3am every night.

You're probably asking, "Well then what about women?  If this "so-called" shake weight men have been blessed with, is at their beck and call, how can women feel the "dynamic inertia as well?"  I'm so fucking glad you asked. 

Women, more importantly, sluts, have used the shake weight and don't even know it.  Any man that finds these usual suspects, on a warm summer's day, has given these whore bags a workout.  Trust me.  These bitches are doing everything from the one-hander to the double-fister to the reach-around (while probably thumb wrestling the anus) to the backhand-sideswiper.  Wow, right? 

I'll tell you two things: 1) These ladies definitely feel the burn and get stronger within minutes, 2) These men are in complete utter pain from the yank job slutty bag Magee just gave them for 10 minutes straight.  Without lube.  Ouch.  Yeah, it happens. 

Me personally, really don't dig giving shake weight workouts to women, only because I like my cock to look like, well, a cock.  Not something that just went through a goddamn meat grinder...TWICE.  But hey, dudes dig that shit.  Along with the anus thumb wrestling.

The Shake Weight.  Its been around for ages.  Under the nose of all men.  Don't drink the Kool-Aid and purchase something that isn't worth your time, effort and money.  I mean why bother, when everyone can enjoy the real shake weight for free.  This includes women as well.  Anytime, anywhere...right there in your pants and in the palm of your hands.  Literally.

P.S. - See the picture of meat head and his shake weight above?  Yeah, you can do those same facial expressions with the "real" shake weight if you just listen to what I'm preaching in this column.  

I'm Stronger for It,

J-Wunder