"What the fuck is with...Buff Bitches??"

Dear J-Wunder,

What the fuck is with buff bitches?  I'm not talking about hot chicks that are in shape, I'm talking about chicks that are as big as the Ultimate Warrior.  How is that even considered sexy?  I'm anxious to get your insight on this. 

Thanks,
No Woman Should Be Bigger Than Me



Dear No Woman Should Be Bigger Than Me,

I love a woman that's in shape.  I DON'T love a woman that makes me feel the 12 hard months I spent at the gym was a waste of my fucking time because they look as if they could kick MY ass.  First of all, that shit ain't right and second, bitches that go beyond extremes to look like a Hulk Hogan's goddamn little brother, should be exiled to an island with other fucking meathead women.

I'm really not sure what they find sexy about being so fucking buff.  I bet prior to them discovering what a bench press was, they had an amazing tit size of 34C, a vagina that made men sing show tunes, and an ass that you could bounce quarters off of.  That's some awesome shit, right?

Now, the bitch doesn't even have titties.  She has fucking pecs that are harder than steel, a vagina that looks like a back muscle and an ass that could kill a cougar.  How do you go from the ultimate body to something that looks like Tony Stark's Iron Man suit?  Seriously?  Being in shape is one thing but looking like something out of a fucking comic book is just scary.

Men want to have conversations with you, not spot you while you try to max out on the bench press.  They want to have sex with you, not feel that "special" muscle they never knew fucking existed.  What man would date someone that looked like they were more than a man?  If they wanted that shit, they would be fucking gay.  Plan.And.Simple.

I mean, do women this fucking buff even get horny?  Can they get wet?  Do they even like sex?  I would imagine a woman that transforms their body is such a way would fuck nothing but weights.  I'm dead serious.  You would be surprised the shit some women could fit in their vagina.  I could only imagine how many straight bars are used as vibrators for these buff ass broads.  Watching porn no longer does it for them.  It's more shit like, Miss Universe and WWE Wrestling that gets them all wet and wild.  That shit is sad.  I would say a buff ass woman should get slapped for doing some shit like this, but I would probably get my fucking ass kicked. 

Ladies, do all of us men and other normal women a favor.  Put down the protein shake and the goddamn fucking weights no human being could ever lift.  It's ok to have milky, soft titties that both men and women love to suck on from time to time.  It's not ok to have tits that resemble cobble stones.  It's ok to have a vagina sweeter than cotton candy.  It's not ok to have a vagina that looks like something scientist are still trying to discover.  It's ok to have an ass that give men a hard-on by just looking at it.  It's not ok to have an ass that scares the living shit out of the Armed Forces.

You catch my drift?  This shit isn't funny and you're fucking up our universe for all to appreciate. 

Exile These Mutants,

J-Wunder