My first job out of college, I was in Sales. Go fucking figure, right? And every goddamn day, I wore a suit, tie, and slick ass shoes. To be honest, dressing up like I was going to a wedding every fucking day was just a pain in the ass. I would have rather just hung out in my boxers all day with my dick hanging out. Yeah, it was cool to look all pimp and shit, but fuck, to wear a fucking suit 5 days a week? I did this shit for 5 years and said, "Peace the fuck out! I'm done with this bullshit." Now, the only time I wear a suit is for a wedding or a funeral. Both at which I get wasted and end up leaving the event with just slacks, tie and shoes. But today is not about me and how good I use to look all decked out in Kenneth Cole. Today's column is about those douche bags that walk around in their fucking $1,000 jet black suits and think they are P fucking Diddy. You know exactly who I'm talking about.
Mr. Fucking Wall Street, Slap Dick - Attorney at Law, Shopping Mall Floor Rep, Valet Attendant, Maitre d, Bouncer, whoever. I'm talking about these pricks that think just because they wear a suit, they are this big important mother fucking person. Hey, I get it. Some of you have a job were you need to dress nice. But do you really need to walk around like you run shit? I wore a suit too and I wasn't walking around the fucking streets of San Francisco thinking my dick was 12 inches and my balls were made of steel.
And the attitude. What is up with that? Who rammed that giant stick up your goddamn ass? Mr. Bouncer with the ear piece...here's my I.D., let me go inside and grab a fucking cocktail. What the fuck is with the puffed out chest and all the goddamn questions. You a cop mother fucker? No. You're a bouncer who is wearing a black suit with Wolverine Steel toe boots. Check yourself mother fucker. You may be big but not big enough where I wouldn't bitch slap your ass. Drunk, of course.
Oh, and Maitre d, how do you say in French, "Go fuck yourself?" So what, you work for a swanky ass place. You also get paid $10/hour. If I didn't love this steak so much I would throw it at you, bitch. Take your suit and nice shoes and go fuck yourself. I really hope the reason why you have this job is to get laid. If you do, I hope your ass is getting ass a lot. Fuck face.
Mr. Money Bags Wall Street and broke ass Johnny Cochran Attorney at Law, I didn't forget about you two fucks. You two are my most favorite. Expensive suit, shoes, laptop bag, watch, phone...shit, even the very gel in your hair cost loot. You make money...lots of it. I get it. But just because you are dressed to the 9's, does that mean everyone around you is a peasant? I may dress like one but you can go fuck yourself if you think I'm one. The arrogance and cockiness is what kills me about these clowns. They think they can buy anything along with fuck any chick that resembles a super model. All because they wear a suit. News flash cock smoker - this persona that you bring to the table, doesn't fucking impress me big guy. The world knows you're a fucking asshole with a little ass dick that probably has a bad case of gonorrhea and drinks Metamucil every goddamn day. It's mother fuckers like you that make mother fuckers like me, laugh at pricks like you. Only dumb bitches with $2/hour jobs gravitate to you because you have those deep pockets and drive that brand new Mercedes Benz with a $1,000/month car payment.
It's not that I'm jealous of the fact that you have a huge bank roll or have nice clothes. Been there, done that. I just can't get over the fact that no matter where you are, you think you run shit. The only shit you should be running is away, from people like me, that would love the chance to slap the shit out of people like you. This goes for the big bad bouncer, Maitre d and those other fucks that think the suit they wear gives them this freedom to act like they are so fucking bad ass.
"What the fuck is with...guys in suits?" Maybe they weren't hugged enough as a kid. Whatever the case, they can lick my asshole. I'm out.
No comments:
Post a Comment