Three weeks into the New Year, and looky what is more popular than ever. That's right ladies, it's time to fucking let yourselves go. You can be fat and still have pants that appear as though they fit comfortably.
They claim to be so comfortable you can drink a box of wine and pass out at 1:30 in the afternoon without even taking them off!! They looks so real, they even put pockets with stitching on the back of them. WHAT?! That’s such a concept, who thought of putting pockets on pants?
What does the pajama jean say about the American population? From last year’s hit the Snuggie, to this year’s phenomenon the Pajama Jean, does America really need another piece of clothing to keep warm while lazing around the house? Your fat ass isn't comfortable sitting in your sweats bitch? Do you need a quick fix in the fashion department to make yourself feel better for becoming almost just as worthless as one human being can be? Well then, the Pajama Jean is the perfect solution for you, gorgeous. If this keeps overweight housewives from going to the grocery store in their plaid pants, all the power to them... And I guess I'm semi-okay with them.
But hey, did I mention that they're available in 8 sizes, including XS and Plus Sizes? Plus Sizes? You don’t fucking say?! Fat bitches can even fit into these?? I mean, if you’re unemployed and heading out to your baby daddy's mom’s house to pick up Junior, then I can see how going to the trouble of putting on some pants can be asking too much.
How depressed are you?? If there are mornings where you feel like you can’t deal with even the most mundane of day-to-day adult responsibilities because you wish you had pajama’s that look like jeans... maybe you shouldn’t leave the house? OR, maybe it's time to have a pill cocktail and just end it all?
Pajama Jeans claim to be the most comfortable and fashionable pair of pants a lady has ever worn. Umm.. like chicks give a flying fuck how comfortable jeans are. Must almost be as comfortable as those 7's that cut so tight into your hips that you have more muffin tops than that famous Seinfeld episode. Sure jeans can be uncomfortable, but only if they DON’T FIT. You see these bitches walking around in jeans 3 sizes too small, just to say they can fit into the hottest pair of Citizen for Humanity jeans when they're really a size 27. But come-the-fuck-on...you have 3 inches of muffin top hanging out!
Alright, seriously ladies, one more thing that I just don't understand though... Leggings, jeggings, pajama jeans? I thought these things already existed.. Doesn’t anyone remember the 80’s? If these are “bum around the house pants” as they claim, what the fuck is wrong with yoga pants?
WAIT, I think I've finally figured it out though... You never want to have sex again huh?
2 comments:
Dead on. They have lost all desire to have sex, hence the wardrobe choice.
I have said the eKe thing about muffin tops for awhile, to me you look like a dork if your pants don't fit. If you want a smaller size, get up and lose some weight.
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