What's the first thing that hits you in the face when you step on BART besides the fact that you are greeted with a culmination of fucking weirdo's? 3 scent-sations (you like that word, huh):1 - Urine (this heavily applies to the older trains): Imagine if you ate asparagus for 24 hours and drank 64 ounces of water. Took a piss in a bucket and let it sit and brew for another 24 hours. You wake up, pick-up the bucket of your own urine and take one good deep breath in (for at least a good 5 seconds). If you have that, "I'm about to throw up" look right now, and can almost smell what I'm talking about! This is the exact smell you will encounter on most trains. BART should pride itself off the odor of this delicious scent!
2 - Feet Stew: You ever smell feet so bad that you wanted to punch that person in the face, hand them a bar of soap, a brillo pad and tell them to wash their dogs for 12 straight hours? Me too! I can't put my finger on what this exact smell is, so I decided to call it feet stew b/c I'm sure if you put about 30 of the smelliest feet together, it would fucking smell like feet stew. I need to go throw up now. Shit man, I gross myself out sometimes...
3 - Dookie: Cow dung, shit, diarrhea, ca-ca, poo-poo...you can word it however you like, SHIT is SHIT guys! And if I do recall, shit don't smell too good!
This brings me to today's entry...
It's was dead on BART last night since everyone left the game mid-way through the 4th quarter, so I was able to get a seat in the back and chill on my 20 minute ride into the East Bay. I'm a little out of it since I drank a little too much wine on Christmas and am hoping to get some sleep when I start to smell something pretty potent but I have no clue where it's coming from. The guy sitting next to me smells like he just came from a strip club in Fresno (I have no clue what strippers smell like in Fresno, by the way) so no worries there. I didn't get shat on and I didn't step on any type of shit, so I'm good there too. "Where the fuck is this odor coming from?!" I then look to my right and drop my jaw to see....WAIT FOR IIIIIIT....
Shit on the back part of the seat! SHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIITTTTTT!!!!! It's 5:15pm and I'm thinking, "Either the BART crew didn't clean this up this afternoon, or whoever was heading to Fremont this morning, had a bad case of the bubble guts, dropped their fucking drawers and shat on the back of this seat!" I was confused though...the dookie looked as if it was smeared and someone tried to use it as toilet paper or something. Not only that, I asked myself with a blank ass stare on my face, "Is that corn?" Me and Fresno stripper scent guy gave eachother the, "Lets get the fuck out of here" look and headed out for the other car. Luckily, Fresno stripper scent guy called the BART operator and notified him that, "There is possibly human feces in back of one of the seats." I'm writing this right now and am still wondering how the fuck that person took a shit and got it on the back of that seat. It's really bugging me so I'm gonna have to make my own conclusion...
Nothing good could ever come out of BART. Nothing.
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