BART Diaries: Ass to Mouth

I love pets.  I've had everything from a fish, snake, bunny to a dog.  Actually, I currently have a dog.  Her name is Sam.  She's a big fucking dog and gets along with pretty much everyone.  This little bitch is smart as shit too.  There's just one thing that grosses me the fuck out.  She samples her shit from time to time but more than that, she licks her ass and vagina like it's a fucking lollipop.  Which brings me to my BART diary post of the day.

On my way home from work, I noticed this lady and her little pooch on the train.  Her dog wasn't super small but small enough to hang out in one of those annoying little fucking duffel bags that those prissy ass rich people put their whiny ass dogs in.  You know what I'm talking about, right?  But this story isn't about the size of the dog or that duffel bag.  It's about what I witnessed. 

For 38 minutes, I witnessed two things.  The dog licking it's own asshole and sack (this includes the infamous, taint region).  The lady kissing the dog, mouth to mouth, every time the dog came up for air.  This isn't a joke.  This isn't a goddamn illusion either.  What this is called is...Ass to Mouth.  It's not a mystery nor some type of science experience.  It's pretty fucking simple.  A tongue marinates in the depths of an asshole and dirty nut sack then transfers those delicious flavors to another mouth...this includes the tongue.  Now everyone is probably thinking, "Ah J-Wun, you serious man?  It's just a dog kissing it's owner.  No big deal."  Fuck that and fuck you guys for not seeing the light.  Let me bust some knowledge on you.

A dog that licks it's asshole, sack, vagina or taint is fucking gross.  Hey ladies, how would you like it if I played 4 hours of basketball while sweating my ass off in boxer briefs.  Then proceeded to drop my drawers and begin to lick my hairy, sweaty asshole.  Then, just for good measure, suck on my sack for awhile.  You know, so I can get that extra salt intake.  Once I think I did a decent job there, I then proceed to make out with you?  How would it taste?  Salty with a hint of peanut chunks and oregano?

Fuck no it wouldn't!  It would taste like shit!  It would taste just like how it was described to you.  Like a fucking sweaty ass nut sack and nasty, dirty asshole.  So why the hell would anyone in their right mind do this with a fucking dog?!  Asshole is asshole.  Period.  And sweaty asshole is a reason to contract some shit that could kill a mother fucker.  Am I right?

I get freaky, don't get me wrong.  But fuck guys.  Ass to mouth ain't right.  Especially if you've been sitting in a sauna all day.  You feel me?

I was hungry as hell until I had to witness this shit for almost 40 minutes.  After a while, I just kept thinking, "I hope this lady isn't going home to some dude and planning to make out with him while choosing to pleasure him before brushing her teeth 100 times.  That would really fucking suck.  I wonder if you could get rabies from ass to mouth with a dog?"

Ass to mouth...stay away from it.  Well, unless you're into shit like that.