What up Wunder,Love what you've done with the blog. That shit is pretty hilarious sometimes. Anyways, I have a little situation that's kinda fucked up and thought I'd ask you about it. Maybe it can be a blog post? Or maybe you just drop it in your email compost?
Me and 11 other college friends have been playing fantasy baseball for 9 years now. Some people might think we are tools spending the time following the game, but I love me some baseball, enjoy the camaraderie, shit talk, and winning some easy money along the way.
Every year the entry fee goes up, and every year I win something. This last year was no different, when I took home a cool $2500 for my efforts. The problem is, I still haven't been paid in full. The treasure of the league is feeding me some bullshit that he hasn't collected from everyone and I'll get paid soon. Trust me, trust me, yada yada yada. We've exchanged some heated emails and phone calls about this and he thinks I'm being a dick for demanding my money. He paid off everyone else, but still owes me $750. Season ended 3 months ago too.
This guy was a good friend and thought to be pretty trustworthy. I'm all flexed up and red assed just thinking about this fucking kook. Any good ideas on how I can speed up this process, short of busting up some knee caps. What to do when a close friend owes you money? $750 is a nice amount of cash for my ass. This shit ain't funny.
I need to get paid,
J Paid to Play
Advice from J-Wunder:
Dear J Paid to Play,
The #1 rule in playing any Fantasy Sports: Pay the Winner. In FULL. Shit, I know a few guys that are still looking to get paid from 4 years ago. Seriously.
I understand your frustrations because I've been there. As a winner and as the guy that held onto the money. $2,500 isn't chump change. Fuck, that's fucking rent in some parts of California. That's a mother fuckers monthly paycheck in some parts. And to dick you $750 and it's been 3 months past due...man, people get their dicks chopped off over shit like that. But, it's not about chopping off dicks. It's about getting what you are owed. In this case, 750 big ones.
I think your buddy is trying to fuck you. Hard. You won, so he pays you $1,750 of the $2,500 and pays the rest of the guys out in full. How the fuck does that make any sense? You fucking won. As in, 1st place. The best. The champ. The king of fucking kings of Fantasy Baseball. If anything, winner gets paid out first then the rest of the bitches follow. Any fantasy league I've been a part of, this has always been the case. Plain and simple, your boy, is up to something. Either A) Everyone really didn't pay their dues, B) Mother fucker spent that money during the season and is trying to make up for it. I'll take letter B. Which stands for Bitch. And you know what bitches do? They lie, cheat and steal.
I know this guy is your boy, but even you said it..."This guy was a good friend and thought to be pretty trustworthy." The only thing trustworthy about this slap dick is that he knows how to spend other peoples money. Real talk. I don't know many people would pay the losers out in full first rather than the winner. Makes no fucking sense to me whatsoever.
So what's my solution? Here are a few ideas:
- Whoop that dudes ass. Get a bat, maybe a shank, and pounce on him "American Me" style.
- Just say fuck it, and tell him to keep his bitch ass money and don't play with those guys again. $750 is a lot to walk away from, I know. But if it happened once, what makes you think it won't happen again?
- Ask the dudes that apparently "haven't paid up" to pay you. Why talk to the messenger when you can go to the direct source. This way, you can find out if your boy is really telling the truth or lying. If he's lying, whoop his ass. If he's telling the truth, ask the guy that hasn't paid, to pay you directly, then whoop his ass.
- Rob someone. At this point, you're angry as a mother fucker. Or in your case, flexed up and red assed. You ain't getting money from your boy so why not take that anger out on some innocent bystander walking the streets at night. All you need are 3 things: 1) Ski mask, 2) Cap gun, 3) Hair spray. Why hair spray? Spray some Aqua Net in your fucking eyes then tell me how it feels. Easy money.
Its happened to all of us fantasy sports junkies. And it's never fucking easy. Think about it, find a solution and you'll get yours. Which reminds me, I need to pay the commish in one of the leagues I'm in. She's a girl, so if she tries to say shit, I'll just shake the shit out of her and tell her to back the fuck off...then give her my dues.
Yes, I would shake the shit out of a woman.
Get Paid Not Played,
J-Wunder
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